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Hi and Lois, 10/12/26

I admit that, as a non-kid-haver, I’m not fully up on the ages at which kids are allowed to be left on their own and/or put in charge of their siblings these days, and I’m given to understand that this has shifted since I was a teen, but still: Chip is old enough to watch his siblings, right? Or at least not be dragged along to the office with other kids? This question sent me down a rabbit hole trying to figure out Chip’s age and the amount of freedom his parents allow him, and I’m here to report that he’s learning how to drive, goes on unsupervised dates to the movies, and takes his little brother along on walks around the neighborhood, which you’d think would be enough evidence to make today’s antics unnecessary. On the other hand, at one point he told Dot about Studio 54, which might’ve led to her asking some questions that ultimately resulted in a lot of privileges being revoked.

Judge Parker, 10/12/26

Oh, hey, remember how April was going to pick up Charlotte and take her to school? Well, she never showed up, and the reason why is that she got scooped up off the street and taken to a CIA black site somewhere. I guess they’re calling black sites “regional offices” now, to present a more professional, more chill, less terrifying kind of branding to the outside world. That’s not how most of the US government is doing things currently, but the security services always zag when everyone else is zigging, you know?

Alice, 10/12/26

Big news about Alice’s car saga: Remember when she said that today’s cars were too expensive and didn’t need all that stuff, but then rented a car and backslid and said she could get very spoiled with all the new features, but then later declared her current 25-year-old car “perfect” because it had “no technology” and got her where she wanted to go? Well, it seems she bought a new car after all, and she likes it, but she misses the simplicity of the old car, and the old price tag too. Who could’ve predicted this? You could’ve, Alice! I’ve assembled incontrovertible evidence that you predicted every aspect of the mess in which you find yourself! You have no excuse!

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Hi and Lois and Alice, 9/28/26

Artificial intelligence! It’s the future, or maybe the present, and it’s going to change the world, possibly by killing us all, and it’s definitely the driving force behind most financial activity over the past couple years in some hard-to-understand way! So how should we think about it? Should we use it as an opportunity to “do bits” in a way that will cause our long-suffering spouses to roll their eyes hard enough to injure themselves? Or should we just stare ahead with a neutral expression and ask questions about it, just for information, as calmly as possible, lest we enrage it? Well, I have my finger on the pulse of public opinion (i.e., I read the newspaper comics), and I’m here to report that opinions differ.

Mary Worth, 9/28/26

Toby Cameron doesn’t have time to worry about any of this AI nonsense, though. She’s got important snooping to do, learning stuff like the fact that UC Santa Royale is paying for a trip to the famous Maui Luxury House Resort for one of its mid-tier English professors! Is this a good use of increasingly restricted university funding for the humanities? Looks like the California Assembly Committee on Higher Education is about to get a very juicy whistleblower report.

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Alice, 9/23/26

Faithful readers know that one of my favorite bits of Alice is the little … caption? extra text? … at the bottom, and its role in the narrative of each strip. Like today, you’re probably wondering: does it mean that Alice’s boyfriend is going to be doing all the driving again? Maybe she can take the bus or an Uber sometimes! Well, no: it turns out that it does mean that. The caption has spoken!

The Lockhorns, 9/23/26

The smile I can accept, but I’m really concerned with whatever Leroy is doing with the non-face parts of his body here. He’s … strutting? Dancing? It’s off-putting. Borderline grotesque. Knock it off, Leroy.

Beetle Bailey, 9/23/26

“What, the kids today can’t get horny from a drawing of a stacked blonde in a little black dress anymore? Huh? What is it that they want? Foot stuff? They like feet? Sexy lady feet, is that what they like? Fine, I guess we’ll give ’em feet.” –The Beetle Bailey division of Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC, apparently unaware that the way they draw fingers and toes is actually quite repellent