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Archive: Alice

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One-panel Wednesday

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Alice, 9/23/26

Faithful readers know that one of my favorite bits of Alice is the little … caption? extra text? … at the bottom, and its role in the narrative of each strip. Like today, you’re probably wondering: does it mean that Alice’s boyfriend is going to be doing all the driving again? Maybe she can take the bus or an Uber sometimes! Well, no: it turns out that it does mean that. The caption has spoken!

The Lockhorns, 9/23/26

The smile I can accept, but I’m really concerned with whatever Leroy is doing with the non-face parts of his body here. He’s … strutting? Dancing? It’s off-putting. Borderline grotesque. Knock it off, Leroy.

Beetle Bailey, 9/23/26

“What, the kids today can’t get horny from a drawing of a stacked blonde in a little black dress anymore? Huh? What is it that they want? Foot stuff? They like feet? Sexy lady feet, is that what they like? Fine, I guess we’ll give ’em feet.” –The Beetle Bailey division of Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC, apparently unaware that the way they draw fingers and toes is actually quite repellent

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Hats on hats

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Dick Tracy, 9/2/26

So I guess that computer didn’t just magically explode, but had actually been already fitted with some kind of internal incendiary device without noticeably increasing its size or weight, which definitely is a real thing that we should believe might happen. Anyway, I personally am loving our jaunty fire inspector here, who loves nothing more than using big, theatrical gestures to walk people through the aftermath of some horrifying incendiary event. Now, obviously he’s seen a “USB killer” used before for pranks and pyrotechnics displays and such. The occasional gender reveal party, you know. That’s just the normal stuff you encounter every day in the fire marshall biz. But murder? Well, that’s a new one on him.

Pluggers, 9/2/26

Now, an unlucky angler pulling a non-fish object out of the water is a classic cartoon bit that we must respect. Usually it’s an old boot or a tin can or something, but given that our dog-man plugger has caught himself a hat, I’m a little puzzled here by what the … excitement? activity? … lines emitting from his bald head are signifying. Are we supposed to understand that this is a beloved long lost hat that blew into the lake weeks or months ago, and his scalp is tingling with excitement at being reunited with it? That this is just some random hat he’s discovered, but he’s been immediately seized by the intrusive thought that he should put it on, despite the fact that it’s no doubt very wet and very disgusting? Or has he in desperation and despite his scalp’s protests decided to use that hat he put on this morning and wore out on this fishing trip as a lure?

Alice, 9/2/26

Hey, you guys heard about the omnipresent surveillance state? You heard about this? Thank goodness information on that topic has now been provided to the no doubt large share of people who only get their news from the comic strip Alice, though I think she’d be a more credible speaker on this point if she wasn’t also convinced that space aliens live in her floorboards.

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Monday glimmers of joy

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Crankshaft, 8/10/26

You know how when you’ve been experiencing pain for a while so it’s become just kind of background radiation in your life, when it abates the absence of sensation feels actively pleasurable? That’s what I’m assuming is happening here: Pam had instinctively steeled herself to receive some gibberish pun-like utterance from her father, but then he just said some mostly coherent dribble of Chicken Soup for the Soul, and now she’s positively beaming about it. Obviously this is even less of a “punchline” than you usually get in this strip, but maybe reading one of the only Funkyverse strips ever where everybody involved is more or less happy is its own reward.

Alice, 8/10/26

I’m assuming we’re supposed to understand “The Marketplace” as Amazon or eBay or Facebook Marketplace or Craigslist or something, but maybe Alice’s boyfriend is talking about, like, the marketplace as an abstract concept? Maybe Alice has crafted the perfect computer virus that’s going to destroy capitalism, and she just has to do “one more thing” to end all forms of buying and selling, forever.

Mary Worth, 8/10/26

Here’s a thing about Wilbur: he could’ve been fucking your mom for years and that wouldn’t make you his friend. You’ve got to go out for ice cream with him and conspicuously not mention the fact that he got a triple scoop and it’s melting all over everything to earn that status!