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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/12/11

Oh, hey, it’s beloved Rex Morgan ancillary character Niki, who entered our lives as a sinister purse snatcher but ended up becoming all-too-close with June and Rex alike. Of course, we all remember his polymorphously perverse antics, but we had almost as much fun with his mother, a frighteningly coiffed meth lab assistant who promised to leave illegal drugs behind her if only Rex would give her a job (and a key to the cabinet where all the yummy legal drugs are kept). And, hey, how is Niki’s mom? We sure haven’t heard much from her since the Morgans made their pity hire. This conversation could get awkward real fast if Kelly’s mom ends up replacing her!

Judge Parker, 8/12/11

Ha, Sophie’s very mild little double entendre is actually pretty funny! It sure is a change of pace from this strip’s usual take on sexuality, which generally takes the form of LOOK THIS LADY HAS TITS.

Apartment 3-G, 8/12/11

Wow, Paul, narcissistic much? “Paul, I was just thinking about you! Give me a minute — I just stepped out of the tub, so I’m all naked and dripping wet.” “Gosh, she was thinking about me! I sure am awesome! I like thinking about me too!”

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Apartment 3-G, 8/11/11

More evidence of the differences between A3G girls: Margo escapes from her days of zipper-hauling slavery and heads for a hot, relaxing bubble bath; Lu Ann, meanwhile, likes her baths limpid and cold, the better for her to fantasize about not having sex with her boyfriend.

Curtis, 8/11/11

Thanks to Curtis, I’m totally plugged in to the cool street slang the kids today use! I’m looking forward to sassing folks by calling them “nephew” or cutting them down to size by asking “whadda ya want, a pop-tart?” The fact that they’ll have no idea what I’m talking about is a plus, because that way they won’t get angry or violent with me. I’m a coward!

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Let’s start our discussion of Tuesday’s comics by looking at the first panel of Monday’s Apartment 3-G:

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 8/8/11

Sorry Lu Ann, looks like you’re left holding the glass! Wait, don’t you have another roommate? Maybe she wants lemonade!

Apartment 3-G, 8/9/11

Do you think that’s the same glass? I sure hope not, for Lu Ann’s sake. Margo doesn’t want your hand-me-down leftover glasses of lemonade, Lu Ann! Margo only wants the freshest lemonade! And Margo couldn’t possibly want anything Tommie has rejected! What’s the matter with you?

Fortunately for Lu Ann. Margo is mostly ignoring her as her mind is firmly set on her next round of harebrained schemes. Still, our lovable dim blonde sure is hilariously sad by the end of the strip! “Doesn’t anyone need me? Making lemonade is my only skill! If nobody ever wants lemonade again, what will become of me?”

Gil Thorp, 8/9/11

Ha ha, remember when a Ben Franklin lookalike hustled Marty Moon out of hundreds of dollars on the links? That was all good fun, since Marty is everybody’s punching bag, but having the strip’s ostensible authority figure and voice of reason high-five his protege after a successful revenge-grift seems somewhat more problematic.

Lockhorns, 8/9/11

C’mon, Leroy, it’s Tuesday, aka “sexy hobo cosplay day.” You know what Loretta wants. Unless … this is part of the game? “Fine, let me just finish the paper, and then I’ll put a little something in your cup, if you know what I mean.”

Mary Worth, 8/9/11

That tiny question mark in the final panel isn’t a sign of self-doubt or a signal that Mary isn’t sure what her next move should be (ha ha, like she would ever experience such things). Rather, it’s indicating her sudden disorientation. As soon as she hears the words “I need your advice,” the world seems to retreat away from Mary, appearing as a tiny pinprick of light at the end of a long tunnel, as she enters a fugue state. She’ll come to three months later, covered in blood, just in time to watch Gina’s newly de-estranged father walk her down the aisle.