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Gil Thorp, 11/7/08

At long last, the how of Matt the Hat and Jeff the ’Czak’s crackpot Jeff-killing scheme has been revealed, and it actually makes a shred more sense than one might have expected from this strip. Now all we’re missing is the why, though this being Gil Thorp we’re obviously never going to get it. If Jeff didn’t know that his heart was a ticking time bomb of death before he went to the doctor, then this is just the most pointlessly “wacky” high school dude prank in recorded history. And if he did know, then how did he know? Did he spend the entire summer eating mayonnaise out of the jar with a spoon and just sort of draw the obvious conclusion? Or did he literally feel his heart begin to die inside his chest one day? The latter possibility would at least explain why he’s so damn melancholy.

Dick Tracy, 11/7/08

There’s been an insanely long and interminable buildup in Dick Tracy as we were introduced to these two titanic metal men on a collision course, but at last they’ve met and we get to see what we’ve been waiting for all this time: robots insulting each other like fifth graders, using txt spk. Whee!

Apartment 3-G, 11/7/08

“My heart is racing with anticipation”? Tommie, with that sort of wooden, sub-par thought ballooning, it’s no wonder that you never get any panel time, and that your boyfriend and the other guy who was trying to be your boyfriend are secretly having a sex affair.

Psst! There is a great deal of invigorating talk about the recent election right over here.

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Spider-Man, 11/5/08

After a contentious election season, can we not come together as one people and agree that Spider-Man is hilarious? Our crack police duo, having solved this caper from the moment they arrived on the scene, raise their voice slightly for backup while the web-crawler lurches off at medium speed in a direction that does not appear to be towards the exits. As Spidey wrestles with those “nutty handcuffs,” one is also invited to contemplate how many lovely antique timepieces Big Time could have purchased legitimately, had he chosen to market this ultrahard yet malleable metal for the variety of industrial uses that might suggest themselves to anyone who thinks about it for more than thirty seconds.

Apartment 3-G, 11/5/08

So, after much comical drug use and a little light murder on the part of her boyfriend, Lu Ann has made good on her months-old promise to decamp to South Dakota (nickname: “The Baja Peace Garden State”), which leads Margo and Ruby to engage in awkward banter that seems to hint that Lu Ann is involved in some kind of contract dispute with the strip’s producers.

Anyway, Lu Ann’s absence ought by rights to provide the perfect opportunity for Apartment 3-G to provide us with a little Tommie time, but naturally that won’t happen because she’s boring even by soap opera comic standards. Hopefully, then, we’ll get to see fill-in roommate Ruby working in the wedding planning business that Margo so cavalierly abandoned when Eric conned her into running his art gallery. Extra bonus points if some discreet questioning of clients on Margo’s part reveals that Ruby’s simple, no-fuss steadiness is a marked contrast to Margo’s comical incompetence, which discovery would naturally lead to Ruby’s immediate dismissal.

(Side note: “a little Tommie time” is what Gary calls it when he gets to second base with Tommie.)

Crock, 11/5/08

Grossie and her friend have just seen Ing, a heart-breaking romance between two gerunds. At first, their love moved forward progressively, but they were eventually torn apart when they couldn’t agree whether their relationship should be governed by a possessive or objective pronoun.

Psst! Still ecstatic/outraged over the election? Chat about it here!

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Family Circus, 10/31/08

Yes, Dolly is dressed as … exactly who you think she’s dressed as. At least Jeffy isn’t going as Obama, in blackface.

Meanwhile, it took me took some serious staring and contemplation to realize that Billy is supposed to be the popular Iron Man character, with his mask pushed up on top of his head (presumably so we’d know that he was really Billy, and not Robert Downey, Jr., come to score some dope from the Keane Kids). For the longest time I thought that he was wearing a Kangol hat, and he was supposed to be some guy in a Kangol hat who’s been splattered by red paint.

Dennis the Menace, 10/31/08

No amount of contemplation could help me suss out the meaning of Dennis’s outfit, however. Is he supposed to be the guy from V for Vendetta? Or just some dude in a mask who likes to stab people?

Spider-Man, 10/31/08

As I promised yesterday, the Spider-Man strip is simply relentless in its efforts to disappoint fans of Spider-Man, superhero comics, action, and narrative. Big Time, having managed to miss the web-slinger at point blank range despite paralyzing him with his most powerful weapon — sound — now simply bludgeons our hero with a clock.

Mary Worth, 10/31/08

Frank is quickly showing himself to be a very promising Mary Worth guest star. I look forward to him turning every compliment into something negative. “Frank, your daughter’s performance was simply tremendous!” “Yes, tremendously humiliating!” “Frank, this soup is delicious!” “Yes, deliciously repulsive!”

Apartment 3-G, 10/31/08

“Heh heh, some junkie I’ve never met gets popped, and that just makes for more action for Gary! Good thing I wore my sexiest camel-hair jacket!”

UPDATE: I’m going out of town for the weekend, so I probably won’t have a chance to post weekend comments until Monday. Till then, enjoy!