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Happy New Year, everybody! How was your Chrismakkuhzatice? I got me a bunch of real nice presents, both comics-related (Complete Calvin and Hobbes, In the Shadow of No Towers, Persepolis) and otherwise. Meanwhile, of course, the various comics have marched on in their merry ways. There was some Christmas cheer:

At Christmas dinner, Judge Parker’s Sam Driver felt a need to not only help cook but to dress up as a chef for some odd reason. Is that a cravat he’s wearing? Or is it the front of a cape? Is he supposed to be “Chef Man”?

Gil Thorp took Christmas day as an opportunity show off both his freakish family (I think his son played Steve Austin’s boss in the Six Million Dollar Man) and his ability to speak in cursive.

And Mark Trail got to show off just which side of the War on Christmas he’s on. Notice that Jesus gets glossed over in the opening panels (which many newspapers don’t even print) so as to give more space to Santa, the gift-giving pagan nature-spirit amalgam who has supplanted our Lord and Savior in the greedy, greedy hearts of America’s children. At least we don’t have to stare at any more reindeer ass.

Not everyone took time off for the holidays, either:

Apartment 3-G’s Lu Ann cheered us all up with the most revealing outfit in the history of Apartment 3-G. Her little black dress makes Tommie’s clashing-greens golf shirt/sweatshirt combo look even more like something out of the late Victorian age.

In Spider-Man, some suicidal schmuck has decided that offing himself in Spidey’s accidentally discarded costume would be good for a larf. His worries about being “corny” are clearly misplaced, as this comic is a nonstop cavalcade of cheese.

Mary Worth’s Jane ex-Hand has instantly aged twenty years in deciding to instigate the most ludicrous tort case in the history of common law. Her case against “Ask Wendy” will no doubt be soon followed by cases brought against syndicated horoscope writers for failing to predict disaster and against Omar Sharif for shoddy bridge advice.

Mark Trail remains boring beyond belief, but now the dog-lovin’ hillbilly gal has magically turned blonde.

Anyway, hopefully this little catch-up whets your appetite for all things comical and curmudgeonly in 2006. Many people take milestones like the end of the year to re-evaluate their creative endeavors, or take their pet projects to the next level. Well, I have absolutely no big plans or surprises for you in the new year. You’ll get more of the same and you’ll like it! Well, there’s one exception: I hearby declare the end of “First Post.” Seriously. Put a comment on this site that serves no purpose but to indicate that you posted first and it will be purged forevermore by me. You have been warned! Josh has spoken!

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OK, so I was planning on pounding out comics entries until the bitter end of the week, but it turns out that I can’t. So, this will be the last entry of 2005. We’re departing for our various wacky Christmukkah journeys tomorrow and won’t be back for a while, so this will have to sustain you until January 2. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Morons in berets … on parade!

Other than that, I got nothin’, comics-wise.

I do, however, have something that I’ve been planning for a while that you might enjoy: Josh’s blog-n-alternative-comics roundup! First, the blogs. Unlike many bloggers, I don’t have a “blogroll” of favorite links in my left-hand column. This is because my left-hand column is already too damn cluttered, plus I think I’m better than everyone else. But for those of you who are interested, here are some blogs that I read regularly and that anyone who’s anyone should also read:

• First off are blogs by three of your fellow Curmudgeon readers and commentors. There’s Subdivided We Stand by Smitty Smedlap, possibly the only man in America more obsessed with Mary Worth than I am; Foma* by yellojkt, who keeps it real in the E.C. and goes into a lot of depth on the FBOFW front; and The Conical Glass by loudfan, whose brilliant Mary Worth/Black Eyed Peas “My Humps” mashup I somehow managed to neglect to link to.
• Then of course there’s Drink At Work, whose awesomeness you should already be familiar with, though you should reacquaint yourself with it frequently.
• Waiter Rant is an excellent blog written by an anonymous waiter at a fairly fancy bistro in New York. Find out everything you wanted to know about just how badly — and, sometimes, how well — people treat their fellow human beings when they think they’re in a position of power over them. You’ll never order dinner the same way again.
• Mini Proportions is a blog written by a friend of mine who goes by the name of “Little G.” She has recently taken on the life of a lesbian ex-pat hausfrau in Vancouver (well, the lesbian part isn’t recent, but you get the idea). With lots of time on her hands, she blogs about the absurdities of being an American north of the border. One thing you’ll learn is that Canadians really don’t like it if you don’t finish your food.
• Mlik.org is the online home of our friend Dalton. He’s recently taken to promoting a nonexistent New Age band called “Star Magick,” so I’m starting to get a little worried.

And then, of course, there’s comics. My schtick here is all about the newspaper funnies, but there’s a bevy of comics I read online that you won’t see in the daily news:

• Alien Loves Predator is about an Alien and a Predator that are roommates in New York City. They live with Jesus for a while too. It’s hard to explain much beyond that, but it’s frickin’ hilarious.
• With a sprawling cast of well-developed storylines, more than a dozen continuing storylines at any given moment, and plenty of justified left-wing anger, Dykes To Watch Out For is everything Doonesbury wants to be but hasn’t been in years.
• I’ve linked to Spamusement! Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines! before, but it’s worth repeating. New ones haven’t been updated for a while, but you owe it to yourself to surf through the tear-inducingly funny archives. My personal favorites include: identify brontosaurus crockery shabby taunt, I was always embarassed, but not now, When will you start dating again, Who cares if it hurts, An Email From God!, But I’d like to, Women change your life, I sure wish you weren’t so silly, If you die tonight, what happens to your family tomorrow, and ha ha ha your penis is so small Elijah :).
• Can a comic be funny even if it includes the exact same art every day with only the dialogue changed? It can if it’s Dinosaur Comics! Again, hard to explain, but go through the archives. You will not regret it!

So that’s it for me for 2005! It’s been a swell year, and I hope you and yours have a happy end-of-year celebration of your choice. See you in 2006!

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Apartment 3-G, 12/17/05

Now, I was already planning on commenting on today’s Apartment 3-G after reading it in glorious black and white in today’s paper, as God intended. Mostly, I wanted to express my admiration for the awesome glowing radiance around Margo, which is no doubt accompanied by a choir-of-angels-style Ahhhhhhhh, and additionally draw attention to her kinda scrawny legs. But when I logged on to see the strip online, I was stunned and amazed to learn that the King Features coloring gnomes could in fact lower the quality of their work. I mean, look at this hatchet job. Tommie’s hair is now Carrot Top orange; Margo doesn’t just have flesh-colored lips, but flesh-colored eyes; and, most egregiously, her knee-high leopard-print hooker boots are now inexplicably blue. Yeesh.

I like the phrase “blots her lipstick with a fresh hundred-dollar bill.” As opposed to, you know, a old, crumpled one, which wouldn’t cost as much. “Barbara! This hundred dollar bill is Series 2001! Get me one with the current Treasury Secretary’s signature on it immediately!” I also like the fact that Tommie is looking to the left at nothing in particular in panel two. It’s as if she got halfway into yet another self-aggrandizing Margo drama moment and just lost interest.