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Family Circus, 3/5/13

You know, the Family Circus has a reputation for being all about kids being unbearably adorable and cute, but it almost as often focuses on kids being obnoxious, irritating, and unsanitary. Which is pretty much what raising actual kids is like, I guess! Anyway, last week’s running plotline, which now appears to be continuing indefinitely, was that Big Daddy Keane was home sick in bed, and every day the kids annoyed him, and he looked increasingly miserable. In today’s panel the kids appear to have been barred from Daddy’s bedroom, just as they have been barred from even rudimentary information about where babies come from.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/5/13

Well, also, you need money to buy things to eat, ride in, and read! But sure, Heather, tell Sarah that money is mostly a way to keep score against other people, that won’t turn out badly at all.

Apartment 3-G, 3/5/13

Ugh, when Margo falls in love it’s the worse. “Yes, I was betrayed by my lover, who was secretly working for my rival and who may have conspired with her to try to kill me, but somehow I can’t get worked up about it.” MURDER, MARGO, YOU SHOULD BE THINKING OF NOTHING BUT MURDER AND VENGEANCE, STOP MOONING OVER GREG AND START PLANNING YOUR KILLING SPREE

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Apartment 3-G, 3/2/13

Oh hey look, the actor playing James Bond, one of the highest-profile roles in modern movies, is sleeping/“experiencing love” with his publicist, which probably isn’t a violation of any kind of ethical standards, at all! Anyway, if were you wondering what exactly the deal was with Evan and his weird cruel aunt who ran the rival agency he was secretly working for, too bad! It’s all about Margo lying to her new boyfriend about her dead fiance for no good reason now.

Beetle Bailey, 3/2/13

Most ancillary Beetle Bailey characters are created to mock/cash in on/acknowledge the existence of some pop cultural phenomenon that’s already several years old by the time they’re introduced. Rocky was originally meant to symbolize the rock and roll music the kids like so much today, but has since become a sort of general agent of subversiveness. Today’s strip acknowledges that rock music and modern art have a lot in common, in that they’re both plots by angry hipsters to make squares feel stupid.

Heathcliff, 3/2/13

Ha ha, Heathcliff likes to warm up with a few layups, using a dog that’s all stiff and has … blank, lifeless eyes, and … OH MY GOD HEATHCLIFF IS PLAYING BASKETBALL WITH A PUPPY CORPSE

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Apartment 3-G, 2/27/13

Wow, now I’m really bummed that they’ve made Margo’s parents boring, because that guarantees that the sex scene that’s starting today will be super dull.

Herb and Jamaal, 2/27/13

“Mommy, the floor is covered in broken glass!” “Whatever, kids, walk around it. It’s the weekend!”

Spider-Man, 2/27/13

“Sooo, that missile is heading … more or less towards the water, right? Probably less than a one in three chance that it will land on those houses near the beach, or will kick up a blast wave that will spread damage for miles. Certainly no reason for us to not just spend the next twenty minutes telling each other how great we are!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/27/13

“‘Pick your gay nephew to manage the property, Melissa,’ I said to myself. ‘The gay nephew won’t turn it into a stripper party house,’ I said. Oh, my beautiful plans, all shattered in pieces at my feet!”