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Gasoline Alley, 11/24/15

“The turkey — ’cause it’s had all its organs removed and replaced with bread crumbs! Gobble! Gobble! I’m a walking corpse! Gobble! Gobble!” [audience continues roaring with laughter]

Judge Parker, 11/24/15

I’ve never read the Fountainhead, but this is pretty much what I imagine all the sex scenes are like.

Archie, 11/24/15

Oh, do you think these Archie newspaper comics are just endlessly recycled reruns from the 1990s? Well, what about the dead-eyed teen girl in panel three with the current year on her shirt, huh? Checkmate, doubter!

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Archie, 9/25/15

Archie’s whole shtick is of course to present a false and corrosive nostalgia for a bygone era that downplays any and all negative aspects of generic mid-20th century high school life, but it’s rare to see the strip get self-aware like this. Principal Weatherbee eats the lunch created in an industrial kitchen from mass-produced staple ingredients, which is the only way to feed a school full of children and staff efficiently and within the shrinking budget allotted. “It’s not like my mon used to make!” Weatherbee declares, failing to mention that for his mother preparing food for even a small family took hours and hours every week.

Dennis the Menace, 9/25/15

You know, I’d like to think that my blog is proof that cultural criticism can effect social change. Certainly Dennis has seen a real menacing uptick lately, and I’m going to take the credit and assume this is a reaction to my years-long campaign to point out how non-menacing he’s been. “Wow, Mom, you kissed me and I felt nothing. No healing, no comfort, nothing.” Pretty sure things children say to their parents don’t get more menacing than that.

Herb and Jamaal, 9/25/15

Moses also died before the people he led arrived at their destination! What I’m trying to say this could be the most emotionally affecting Herb and Jamaal storyline yet, after which they’re going to have to change the name of the strip.

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Archie, 9/11/15

I’m really unsettled by Mr. Lodge’s look of cold calculation in the final panel here. That’s a man who’s thinking, “I’m wealthy, and I have connections in the shadowy underworld. Surely I know a man who will remove a tongue, for a price.”

Six Chix, 9/11/15

I’m assuming that the complainer, the gossip, and the underminer are all standing around that desk in the next room, playing their petty little office roles for each other in a 9 to 5 drama that never really ends. That last office archetype, though … she’s a loner. Just hanging out there in the middle of the room, standing absolutely still, trying not to attract attention … wait, what was that? Did somebody say “embezzler”? Does somebody need to die?

Gil Thorp, 9/11/15

OH MY GOD SHE REALLY IS TEACHING HIGH SCHOOL FOR A REALITY SHOW

IT’S REAL

I PREDICTED IT AND IT CAME TRUE