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Six Chix, 9/1/16

There are 67 days left until the U.S. presidential election, and one of the few things I’ve been thankful for is that there haven’t really been any politics-related blowups in the comments of my site yet. I’m actually not against political discussion per se, but I like to think that my comment section is the last actually good comment section left on the Internet, and that’s because people don’t get into fights there, and if there’s one thing that causes people to get into fights, it’s politics. So maybe steer clear? For more guidance, please see the posting and discussion policies, which basically boil down to, “Don’t start fights with people, and don’t be a dick,” and know that I will ban people on the slightest provocation, I don’t even care. I used to give more leeway on this, but now that we all have access to a million different social media sites on which to fight about politics, I don’t feel like people have even the slightest need to do it here, so, sorry, but not sorry, don’t do it.

I’m actually a fairly political person myself (you wanna hear me make jokes about politics? come to Twitter!), but I try to avoid jokes specifically about electoral politics here precisely to avoid getting people riled up. I also try to avoid non-specific jokes because then you get into fairly toothless “ha ha, the election, it is bad” territory like today’s Six Chix. But honestly, what really bothers me terribly about this strip is that the labelling: it makes it look like the ice bag is the headache, and that you’re causing the headache by putting it on your head. Which, since most people today have never actually seen one of those bags outside of an old movie or TV show, maybe that’s … how the artist thinks headaches work? That’s not how they work, Six Chix!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/1/16

I’m having a really hard time following the stream of thought in today’s Snuffy Smith. My best guess is that the Barlows, with whom the Smifs are engaged in a generations-long feud, stole Bessie. Loweezy and Snuffy talk about this in code: she wants Li’l Tater to remain innocent just a little longer, but Snuffy knows that in Hootin’ Holler, disputes over property are settled in blood, and the sooner a Smif learns that, the better.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/1/16

This is the part of a new Funkyverse descent into misery where I stop resisting and just enjoy the fresh pain the plot is visiting upon longtime characters. In that spirit, I’ll say that I’m very pleased that Bull’s abortive, failed attempt to live out his greatest dream also contributed to the condition that, years later, would destroy his mind before killing him outright.

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Mary Worth, 8/28/16

Sorry I’ve sort of let coverage of the latest Tommy the Substance Abuser arc slip a little bit; that’s because it’s been less “Tommy lies around shirtless” and more “Sad Iris gets pie and advice from Mary.” And Mary’s advice is this: have you considered mothering your child? If he’s screwing up, or falling into a downward spiral of addiction, is it possible that it’s something you did, or failed to do? Mary really is a good advice columnist. Amateurs try to shame women who are full-time students or workers for neglecting their minor children; it takes a true master to try that on someone who’s kid is, like, 28 years old, at minimum.

The Phantom, 8/28/16

The Phantom runs separate storylines during the week and on Sunday, and the current Sunday plot, which I haven’t discussed here, involves the intertwined Chicago and Chinese mobs, representatives of whom arrived in Bangalla via plane crash. Someone over at Phantom central seems to have a hate-on for the People’s Republic of China for some reason, maybe because of their failure to uphold human rights! [gets to last panel of today’s strip, shifts in chair uncomfortably]

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/28/16

The parson is right to be worried! One more accidental pregnancy this weekend, and he’s in danger of infringing on the intellectual property of Polygram Filmed Entertainment, and those guys play rough.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/19/16

You know, what with Hootin’ Holler being a largely lawless place, with a rugged landscape and local knowledge about property holdings more likely to be passed down through generations by word of mouth than delineated on any map, bringing in surveyors isn’t the worst idea in the world! It could be a real growth industry, and could probably help cut down on the endless, violent clan feuds whose flareups can often be blamed on property line disputes, even if control of moonshine smuggling turf is ultimately the root cause. And, let’s be real, it’d be pretty useful for someone in the Smif family to have a job.

Dennis the Menace, 8/19/16

If you want to create a portrait of a child as a low-key but effective menace to everything you think about yourself as a person who heads a civilized family, this is a good start: he stares at your guest with dead eyes and shows unfamiliarity with basic concepts, all while drooling freely onto his own dinner.

Beetle Bailey and Crock, 8/19/16

Hey kids, did you know that some of America’s longest-running comic strips take place in the military during actual violent conflicts? Beetle Bailey is stateside, for the most part, but its soldiers must know that they could be deployed at any time; in today’s strip, their nighttime anxieties escalate, from right to left, climaxing with Beetle, who, panicked but clear-eyed, can only think of massive, world-obliterating explosions. Meanwhile, today’s Crock reminds us that most of the main characters are occupation troops in a grinding, brutal colonial war. Happy Friday!