Post Content

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/7/14

When Snuffy goes to play cards, we usually see aces sicking out of his hat or various other parts of his clothing, and I’ve always assumed that we aren’t supposed to take this literally — that is, these cards aren’t actually visible to the other characters; rather, it’s a symbolic tip-off to the reader that Snuffy is a swindler. I certainly hope that’s the case, anyway, because otherwise Snuffy is laughing in his best friend’s face about looming domestic discord, and not even hiding the very large and dishonest role he played in precipitating the crisis.

Dick Tracy, 8/7/14

Sure, Dick is on a mysterious island that’s only a day or so drive away from Neo-Chicago and may have been mysteriously sent back into the past, and that’s all totally realistic, but there’s an obvious plot hole here, which is: wouldn’t he have sent an email to his wife at some point? Well, she couldn’t get email because their ISP had a virus, OK? Problem: solved.

Gil Thorp, 8/7/14

Just last year Gil Thorp made a delightful return to its usual insane summer storylines with a tale of Gil’s creative collaboration with a senile pro wrestler, which makes this summer’s plot all the most depressingly banal by comparison. There’s a star quarterback who might be considering coming to Milford? That’s it, that’s literally it, and today, in what’s definitely a shocking twist, he falls down and twists his ankle while trying to fish his phone out of his pocket. Can you taste the thrills? Still, let it be a lesson to you: cargo jorts aren’t just hideous, they’re actively dangerous.

Herb and Jamaal, 8/7/14

Herb’s pal Ernie is trying to open up and give some real talk about tough time’s he’s having in his life! Herb replies with a mean, corny joke, because he’s terrified of intimacy, and is also kind of a dick.

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/20/14

Long ago, I worked with a photographer who was also a passionate VW enthusiast, and for whom every new “upgrade” to his beloved brand was a kick in the solar plexus: One-piece rear window, UNGH! Big tail lights, UNGH! Convertible top, UNGH! When they introduced a semiautomatic transmission he uttered a fearsome oath, bought a Porsche, and never looked back. Good thing, too, or he would’ve seen the abomination Niki’s driving.

The same dark forces that turned the bug by degrees into the Super Beetle turned Original Niki and Kelly into these two. We first met Niki snatching June’s purse to buy artisanal salami for his methskank Mom, then doing some impressive ethical acrobatics to talk himself into a big payday “reward” after an extended tutorial from Rex. Kelly started out a stereotypical Bad Girl running off to drug parties in the woods and having a Brush with Death before Seeing the Error of Her Ways. Now they’re all cleaned up, and droning out text like “Sarah’s a great kid and I like her very much” about hideous paint-spattered brat-monsters. Kids, don’t let the Morgans get anywhere near you, is what I’m saying.

Slylock Fox (panel), 7/20/14

Slylock’s totalitarian society descends into outright racism: “First they came for the skunks and I did not speak out, because I was not stinky.”

Lockhorns (panel), 7/20/14

Loretta, lack of wind is not the problem.

Also: Alfas haven’t had those bumpers since 1982. Has Leroy been bald 32 years?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/20/14

Parson Tuttle’s own sins tend toward small-time grifting, so he’s plum tickled to get a lead on the more entertainin’ sinnin’ goin’ on in th’ Holler.

Piranha Club, 7/20/14

Now that right there is an authentic automobile. Own it, Ernie — own it as long as you possibly can. Doris will be happy to drive you to work.

— Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

Herb and Jamaal, 7/19/14

As a former center for the NBA’s Phazers and part-owner of a local restaurant, you’d expect Jamaal J. Jamaal to be comfortable in the public eye, and specifically with attention from the ladies. What’s more, he and Rajni met cute when she retrieved his underwear for him Thursday, and he spent all day yesterday checking out the contours of her “Single and Looking” T-shirt. But here he is again paralyzed by self-doubt — just like the poor, forlorn, rejected characters Angelina Jolie plays in all those movies.

Crankshaft, 7/19/14

Hey, remember how Crankshaft doesn’t know how to use a remote? Yeah, well, forget that.

Mark Trail, 7/19/14

RRRRRMMUMBRUMBBLLE, and Mark cuts short his halting exigesis of Lori’s ladyfeelings to Get the Hell out of Dodge. It is the mighty Cape Buffalo, fiercest among the bovines! Of unknown ancestry, the Cape Buffalo is unpredictable and highly dangerous to humans, as anyone would be who grew up a bastard cow.

No more speculating on feminine ways today! I bet Mark is every bit as grateful as we are.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/19/14

In the annals of nephewism, the relationship between Jughaid and his Uncle Snuffy stands out as a particularly sweet example. Equally ignorant and lazy, they share interests in shif’lessness and petty crime, and seem to get along pretty well. Jughaid even looks a little sheepish about his cosmic arrogance. Maybe God will cut him a break come smitin’ time.

— Uncle Lumpy