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Family Circus, 3/10/13

Good morning, America! Are you feeling a little … discombobulated? Like you didn’t get enough sleep? That’s because you’re under the boot heel of the United Nations and their one-world “Daylight Savings Time” plot. Most Americans are like the kids at the top of this panel, trudging off to another grey day in the grip of New World Order chrono-tyranny. Only those citizens in the few remaining freedom-loving states and insular areas are like the kids at the bottom, skipping and dancing in the bright light of liberty.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/10/13

I know it’s hard to tell, but Les seems even smugger than usual about whatever bit of judicial activism has Crazy Harry so worked up. “Roberts and his cronies just said that, under the Constitution’s right to privacy, a man remains married to his sainted dead wife’s ghost even when he marries another living woman! It’s not natural, I tell ya!”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/10/13

Soooo … Snuffy is going to die from taking too many or not enough pills, I guess?

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Heathcliff, 1/26/13

Heathcliff has so alienated everybody with his rude behavior that his only friends are his own parasites.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/26/13

These squirrels are more industrious and forward-thinking than literally any human in Hootin’ Holler.

Judge Parker, 1/26/13

You cannot deny that any drama that includes the dialogue “They sent an e-mail and a confirmation express letter!” is an unstoppable thrill ride.

Shoe, 1/26/13

Haha, it’s funny because of anuses!

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Mary Worth, 1/8/13

Oh my God, has this Mary Worth cake design contest plot secretly been a Mary Worth Dr. Jeff gets jealous plot all along? Have I been extra good this year, to be rewarded so handsomely?

For those of you who are relatively new to Mary Worth fandom, the last Dr. Jeff jealousy storyline was pretty delightful. While volunteering at the hospital, Mary met a pair of brothers who were feuding even at their mothers deathbed. Then Mary picked up one of the dudes right at his mom’s funeral (under the guise of helping him with his grief or whatever), and they went on a date where he boasted about his political power — with Mary having broken a date with Jeff to do so. Somehow they made it into the local paper’s gossip pages, which left Dr. Jeff angry and humiliated, and they broke up, for a like a minute, but then Jeff repented and stated leaving pathetic, begging messages on Mary’s answering machine. But wait! It turns out the new beau hated seafood, which was a huge deal-breaker, so that relationship ended a little too amicably later that week. Mary and Jeff eventually reunited, bandying about unsettlingly erotic metaphors.

Since then it’s been smooth sailing, but now the green monster of jealousy is rearing its ugly head again! Poor Jeff just spent all that money on a semi-convincing blond dye job in order to look more youthful and vigorous, and this is how he’s repaid?

Apartment 3-G, 1/8/13

Meanwhile, Margo’s Christmas adventure just keeps getting more entertaining! I think at one point she and Greg were going to see Professor Ari working in a soup kitchen in a Santa outfit, but they wisely decided to stay in and make out instead. So Santa’s come to them! And he’s ready to get ripped.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/8/13

The Smif Menfolk Fambly Reunion is just day after day of unceasing violence. Just Smifs beating the crap out of each other in the streets, in houses, in Smif Fighting Pits with greased walls. The women can only cower indoors and pray, and prepare to tend to the survivors.