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Apartment 3-G, 9/1/12

After enduring a comical series of interruptions, Greg Cooper finally gets the interruption he wants: the hot roommate! Yes, transparently angling for a three-way with your new publicist is totally 100% professional behavior for a … guy who … needs a publicist … and has a “manager” … and … uh … have we ever figured out exactly what it is that Greg does? Is he a handsome actor or maybe a literary bad boy? If so, this could all be part of the marketing plan, with Margo leaking word of his inappropriate advances to the press to cover up his boring, monogamous personal life.

It’s also worth noting that Greg wasn’t wearing a tie at the beginning of this meeting. He knows the way to a lady’s heart, or possibly to multiple ladies’ hearts: dapperness.

Gil Thorp, 9/1/12

We here at the Comics Curmudgeon would like to sincerely apologize for using linguistic markers to misidentify the Irish family in Gil Thorp as English; we realize that this is rather rude, for obvious reasons. Anyway, we would now like to revise the joke about what weirdo sports this family will demand from the Milford athletic department to include hurling and Gaelic handball.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/1/12

“Haw haw, I do enjoy a good bit of wordplay! But seriously, my baby is going to be born into abject poverty due to my husband’s shiftlessness.”

Beetle Bailey, 9/1/12

OH MY GOD THEY CLONED GENERAL HALFTRACK

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/31/12

Lukey has a rash because he’s been wearing that borrowed suit for a long time without cleaning it, so he has various skin parasites now.

Six Chix, 8/31/12

This office break room is haunted by the ghostly shades of all the people whose murders this hulking woman has covered up.

Hagar the Horrible, 8/31/12

Is Hagar filthy because his wife won’t inspect him closely — or does she refuse to get close enough to examine him because his hygiene is so bad?

Beetle Bailey, 8/31/12

This is one of the oldest, corniest jokes I’ve ever seen on the comics pages, but it’s structured around unlikable bully Sarge writhing around in pain after injuring himself, so I guess I’ll let it pass.

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Mark Trail, 8/29/12

Gosh, what are our sheep-killing, camera-stealing, Rusty-menacing doofuses up to now? Just a little light illegal organ harvesting, that’s all! Say, what do you suppose those “other parts” the dark-haired fellow is referring to might be? (SPOILER: Probably aphrodisiacal bear penis.) I also like the way this fellow carefully explains to his friend why his bear-bagging idea is so potentially lucrative. You’d think he’d already know this, but maybe not? “Black market? I … I thought we would just go out and hunt for the sport of it. You know, you and me, in the wilderness, testing ourselves against nature, really getting to know each other … God, I feel like such a fool.”

This isn’t the first time Mark Trail has grappled with gallbladder poaching, either. But then, all Mark Trail characters and plot points return again eventually, in slightly different combinations, following the strip’s dream-logic. Organ harvesting? Indian artifacts? Two dumb guys stealing Rusty’s camera? Every strip is an exercize in déjà vu.

Mary Worth, 8/29/12

Oh, man, this is great! Wilbur has come through a near-death experience and hasn’t deepened spiritually at all; instead, he’s learned that life is short and the time to get his is now. “There’s strong buzz about the disaster! Readers will be interested in my first-person perspective! A showcase piece in the Santa Royale Whosit will catapult me to the network morning news shows, an instant book sold in airports everywhere and, with any luck, a made-for-HBO movie starring Kevin Spacey as me! I’m gonna be rich, rich, filthy rich! Say, I wonder if I should tell Mary that she can stop doing my job for me without pay?” Oh, you’ll wish you did, Wilbur, because it sounds like she’s going to lay a load of heavy meaningfulness on some poor letter writer that’s probably going to ruin all your fun.

On an unrelated note, I dare you to explain how Wilbur’s hands are supposed to be attached to his arms in panel one. In panel two, I already know how Mary’s head is attached to her shoulders: very securely.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/29/12

I guess this is supposed to be about the fire department attempting to draft Snuffy and Lukey and force them to contribute something back to the community they’ve sponged off of for years, but when I first read it I thought maybe our protagonists were about to be burned at the stake.

Beetle Bailey, 8/29/12

YAAAY, PEACE HAS BROKEN OUT EVERYWHERE, THERE’S NOTHING MORE FOR THE ARMY TO DO EVER AGAIN