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Herb and Jamaal, 3/31/11

You can’t really call this the gayest Herb and Jamaal ever — not in a world where this strip exists — but still, a couple of guys takin’ off their shirts and inspectin’ each other’s bods — that seems just a little bit homoerotic, right? It’s all good fun until we get to panel three. Jamaal’s nose stands out straight and stiff as he admires what he thinks is his friend’s good fashion sense, then almost immediately retract into flaccid tinyness when he finds out that Herb has body hair, like a normal male human. I don’t know what’s more unsettling: that Jamaal has a nose-cock, or that Jamaal finds sweater vests so deeply arousing.

Apartment 3-G, 3/31/11

You know, we’ve all had so much fun making fun of the extended failure to explain who or what Dan Diller is that I just realized something: nobody actually cares, and drawing it out isn’t making anybody care anymore. So knock it off, Apartment 3-G; it’s not amusing. Do those people sitting behind Iris and Dan look like they’re enjoying themselves, even when you take the fact that they’ve paid good money to see a play starring Tommie into account?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/31/11

Ha ha, that Elviney’s the real death panel, amiright? No, seriously, I think she’s taking him somewhere secluded to beat him to death with that enormous skillet.

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Spider-Man, 3/21/11

I know this is a superhero comic, where heroes and villains typically engage in expository banter in mid-battle, and science is routinely ignored when not actively being laughed at. Still, everything about Morbius’s little soliloquy irritates me. I mean, the guy went through some quasi-scientific metamorphosis that made him an actual vampire (a “living vampire,” he calls himself, which, I can’t even deal with that right now) and apparently lightened his bones, but … he can’t fly? I mean, why stop short of flight? Too unrealistic? Or, worse, do the writers think they’re being somehow more accurate to bat anatomy and locomotion? Because, you know, bats really are the only mammals that actually fly. Morbius didn’t get his powers from experiments with flying squirrels, did he? I don’t know why I expect any such attention to detail from a strip that routinely describes spiders as insects, but it still galls me.

Hi and Lois, 3/21/11

Well, Trixie, it’s because your dad’s bowling has less to do with “bowling” and more with “not spending time with his family, because you’re all unbearable.” I’d make some joke about how Hi is having a secret affair, but it’s more likely he just goes to a bar and drinks in blessed silence for most of the evening.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/21/11

Man, that bird looks awfully pleased with itself. “Yeah, I totally crapped on that hillbilly lady’s head! I’m pretty cool.”

Ziggy, 3/21/11

Ziggy’s undereye bags really sell the joke here. Ha ha, Ziggy finds his poverty to be exhausting and emotionally taxing! That’s the joke, right?

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/17/11

Lureen is extremely depressed, just crying and crying for no reason she or anyone else can name. Do you find that funny, Loweezy? Apparently you do! Apparently you find it hilarious, you monster.

Crankshaft, 3/17/11

Actually, ‘shaft, I think he understands the motivational power that the the terror of violence instills just fine! On the other hand, I’m a little a disappointed that you didn’t come up with some terrible pun while commenting on this awful scene of abuse.

Crock, 3/17/11

I’m pretty sure this is the first time that a summary execution has been even hinted at in the comics pages.

Blondie, 3/17/11

You probably think that this is the cheeriest cartoon out of this batch, but Mr. Dithers knows what a shillelagh is for and how to use it. Enjoy your St. Patrick’s Day, everybody!