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Funky Winkerbean, 11/25/15

Hey, Pete and Darren, as a relatively new transplant to LA, I understand that the little things can be tough — things like figuring out your favorite places to eat. In a huge city like Los Angeles, you have the additional dilemma caused by a wide variety of choices, a marked contrast to your hometown, where literally the only places that serve food are Montoni’s and the Toxic Taco. Anyway, my personal favorite pizza place that I’ve found so far is DeSano in East Hollywood, although they don’t deliver; Hard Times Pizza, on Glendale Boulevard in Echo Park, does, and they’re great too, though you might not be able to get delivery from them if you live over towards the Westside. I’m sure there are a number of great options there, though! I’m sure there are a number of options that are infinitely better than terrible Montoni’s sadness-pizza that’s been put on dry ice and shipped across the country, come the fuck on.

Spider-Man, 11/25/15

I’m not gonna lie to you: this extremely low-stakes brawl in the UN General Assembly hall could go on for weeks as far as I’m concerned and I will love every minute of it. Did Namor just kind of … swipe in the general direction of those security guards in panel one? Did everyone just sort of forget to look up as the floating Atlantean Combat Platform drifted into the chambers? How did it get through the door, anyway? And why did a race that lives under the sea bother to developer technology that can make things float in midair? Anyway, I hope this whole sequence lasts long enough to not answer any of these questions but raise a lot more questions through endless additional hilariously dumb details.

Pluggers, 11/25/15

Do you think plugger-cat paid for this fantasy? I’m just imagining plugger-cat talking to some confused male escort he found on backpage.com, and saying “Your ad says you’re up for anything.”

Heathcliff, 11/25/15

You can tell by his blank, expressionless stare that the Garbage Ape is super not into this scene. “Remember when they used to cheer like this just because I was swinging garbage cans around?” he thinks. “When did I need to start getting topical all of the sudden? Why can’t they just love me for the garbage?”

B.C., 11/25/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because living as an adult makes you want to die!

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Hi and Lois, 11/23/15

Awww, looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays, if by “a case of the Mondays” you mean “a nagging realization that life is an joyless cycle of repetitive, meaningless tasks.” I think that’s what most people mean by it, right?

B.C., 11/23/15

B.C., meanwhile, reminds us that the Flagstons’ middle-class suburban ennui is itself a privilege, as many others see life not as a ceaseless loop of drudgery but a straight line that will be ending very, very soon.

Gasoline Alley, 11/23/15

That goodness, all that rude chatter is over and we can get what we came for: little kids telling weird ahistoric jokes on stage. Are the “!”s over our young Squanto and Pilgrim meant to represent solid, emotive method acting on their part, or are they genuinely surprised at Boog’s punchline? Is he improvising? Can you imagine children doing an improv Thanksgiving show? I can! It’d probably look a lot like this, to be honest. Maybe Walt and Skeezix missed the audience suggestions because they came in late.

Mark Trail, 11/23/15

Welp, seems like our no-neck Homeland Security goons had been following Ken and Mark all along by using drones to track Ken’s sweet skullmobile! They just figured they’d let our heroes take out the baddies on their own, without government agents getting involved unless absolutely necessary. They provide a better value to the taxpayer that way, you know?

Spider-Man, 11/23/15

Whoa there, random U.N. General Assembly delegate! You may come from a country with cool hats, but this is America and we don’t use imperious language like “Guards! Seize him!” Try some American law enforcement lingo instead. “Security, we need you to apprehend an Atlantean individual, behind the podium at this time. Suspect is weilding a trident-style weapon and is wearing a vest, repeat, vest.”

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Judge Parker, 11/6/15

Good news, Neddy! Remember that beauty queen Hank was dating, an arbitrarily established narrative roadblock for you having your way with him? We’ll, she’s gone now, without any of us ever having seen her, through some backstory we haven’t discussed, because why bother? There’s nothing to come between you and his hard-hatted, mulletted charms anymore! All the Spencer girls will be getting everything they want, in the sex department, along with all other departments!

B.C., 11/6/15

Wow, look at Curls’s facial expression in panel two. That’s not the face of a man engaging in a long-running, well-established B.C. gag where Clumsy sticks his head in the water to watch fish swim by. That’s the face of man who’s found his dead friend face down in a frozen river. It’s not like the water flash-froze, either; he drowned long before that.