Archive: Beetle Bailey

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Dick Tracy, 9/12/19

I’m not going to bother bringing you up to speed on the current Dick Tracy “Minit Mystery” guest-artisted arc, which involves a murder that took place at a modeling agency. The only mystery I actually care about is this: is this storyline just an opportunity for someone to indulge their getting-yelled-at-by-women-in-bathing-suits fetish? All signs point to yes!

Beetle Bailey, 9/12/19

Is Sarge … about to chow down on a half-eaten cookie he fished out of a garbage can? I’m not sure I’d describe that as the behavior of a “big jerk.” It could be indicative of a number of other reasons you wouldn’t want to date him, though!

Dennis the Menace, 9/12/19

“Wow, Henry has a photo album full of muscle guys and he’s lucky that I didn’t fall for any of them? The real menace here is your narrow mind, son.”

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Dennis the Menace, 9/7/19

“You know, a comic strip that stopped running eleven years ago! Which was way before I was born, since I’m supposed to be, like, what, six? Somehow this is an even more jarring misplaced cultural reference than the fact that I’m supposed to be into cowboys and shit.”

Blondie, 9/7/19

Hey guys, you heard about cell phones? You know, the ones the kids like to do texting on? Well, prepare to have your mind blown: they have little flashlights on them, which are useful! I know, right???

Beetle Bailey, 9/7/19

“It also killed all our commanding officers. We’re finally free!”

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Beetle Bailey, 9/5/19

I was about to say “Guys, you’re in the army” but … honestly, I can’t decide if that’s actually the joke or not? Like, literally one of the defining features of Beetle Bailey is that with many of their strips it’s hard to tell whether they’re making a sardonic commentary on the armed forces or militarism in general, or if they’ve literally forgotten the comic’s setting.

Blondie, 9/5/19

Ha ha, you guys heard about texting? Been pretty omnipresent for a solid decade or so? The teens love it, because they’ve never known a world without it? Texting! Pretty funny, huh????

Mary Worth, 9/5/19

“Maybe not for you, the person I want to be in a long-distance relationship, but … wait, I forgot where I was going with this.”