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Archive: Beetle Bailey

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I too would make Leroy and Loretta sit at the very back of my wedding

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Beetle Bailey, 3/9/19

Wow, the physical abuse Sarge routinely pours onto Beetle has never before been so clearly linked to the sexual advances from Miss Buxley that Beetle seems so eager to avoid. Shoutout to Beetle Bailey for keeping it fresh when it comes to the dark network of perversity underlying the relationships among its characters.

The Lockhorns, 3/9/19

I honestly kind of like the Lockhorns panels that are clearly just an excuse to use some joke the writer heard or thought up rather than one rising organically from the title characters’ mutual distain, and I appreciate that care is taken to place the gag in the proper Lockhorns context of marital misanthropy. Sure, this is a cute little joke of the sort that might make a long-married couple giggle together at the back of a church during the wedding of an acquaintance. Loretta’s withering glare reminds us that the Lockhorns are not that kind of a couple.

Dennis the Menace, 3/9/19

I don’t know why but I’m very fixated on why Henry’s hair is mussed and shirt untucked? Maybe I’m missing something very obvious but I don’t get it! Like, was he pacing the house flailing his arms around and tearing his hair out because their guests were so late, growling “Ugh, they’re so late and I’m so mad about it but the rules of politeness dictate that I not mention their lateness when they arrive! I certainly hope nobody spills the beans about how upset I am at them!”

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Sexually unpleasant Wednesday

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Dustin, 2/27/19

“Ha ha, my husband and I haven’t been able to come up with sexual feelings for one another for years. We sure do fight about money, though!” I’m beginning to grudgingly accept that Dustin is in fact a neutral observer in the ongoing Boomer-Millennial wars, in the sense that it mostly exists to illustrate how both generations suck and that people in general are pretty terrible.

Mary Worth, 2/27/19

I am of course going to bring you detailed coverage of each and every one of Estelle’s hell-paramours for as long as she continues going on dates, or, as the narration box refers to it, has “experiences with online dating,” which sounds like a phrase cooked up by Silverdaters’ marketing team. Anyway, this guy’s a real asshole, but you have to admit that his fashion choices are on point. A purple vest over an olive shirt that has a turquoise-tipped collar, to match his turquoise bolo tie! [chef’s kiss]

Beetle Bailey, 2/27/19

A “fun” thing Beetle Bailey has been doing lately is a series of strips where Beetle is shown to be uninterested in Miss Buxley’s sexual advances. I’m not sure how much body language I can detect in that second panel, but it sure looks like Beetle is sitting there with his arms crossed sullenly. He may have created a makeshift privacy cover, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to neck like a common harlot.

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“Maybe you can help me fish my tie out of my pants later, honey, heh heh”

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Mary Worth, 2/26/19

Oh my God this elderdating plot is going to involved a nonstop parade of wizened, horny old men who lied about their age on their dating profile slouching lustily at Estelle and I am extremely here for it. Very excited for this rugged, weathered gentleman to explain that the “old” was a typo and he meant to say that he’d been a widower ever since his wife died of natural causes 63 years ago.

Gil Thorp, 2/26/19

I’m not sure why Marty’s latest crusade to get Gil fired is so different from every other campaign he’s ever waged to get Gil fired that he feels obliged to personally and insincerely apologize to Mimi about it when he runs into her public. I do, however, absolutely love the image of him so gobsmacked that he just stands there, holding his mug of delicious, frosty beer at waist level. Maybe it’s a precursor to him dropping it to the floor in shock, which I’m imagining now happening in slow motion! Anyway, my favorite person in today’s strip is actually the eavesdropping dude in panel one who’s looking at the reader with an expression that says “I come here for the happy hour drinks and appetizers but I stay for the drama.”

Beetle Bailey, 2/26/19

Ha ha, computer nerd Chip Gizmo, who’s supposed to be installing Microsoft Office and making sure staff officers’ computers don’t have too much porn malware on them, thinks he’s a real soldier and is fighting the “enemy” — with computers! What an extremely silly scenario that definitely isn’t happening in real life!