Post Content

Dick Tracy, 10/10/16

Thank goodness Dick Tracy is brave enough to blow the lid off the real shape of political corruption in modern-day America: members of Congress misusing their Capitol office phones to illegally solicit cash donations from little old ladies who are eager to see human-alien hybrids put into internment camps.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/10/16

Welp, Funky Winkerbean is in color again, which no doubt heralds a big shift in the storyline we’re following and … wait, what’s that? It’s literally the exact same thing from last week, where Frankie is going to use the power of his gossip site to ruin his son’s life, for some reason, alienating his readership in the process? I see.

Mary Worth, 10/10/16

“A meeting? That sounds like a fascinating thing that you were deliberately vague about for me to pry into. I just got back from a stay at a cosmetic surgery facility myself. They tightened my face another two notches! My nose is approaching Full Voldemort but my skin hasn’t been this firm and unlined since the Nixon Administration!”

Beetle Bailey, 10/10/16

Welp, looks like Sarge finally just straight-up murdered Beetle! I guess this strip is over now. Looking forward to seeing what new comic they replace it with, or maybe just enjoying the soothing blank space left over when they don’t bother!

Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 10/3/16

I make fun of the Funkyverse visual convention whereby flashback panels are depicted as sepia-toned photographs that look like they’re supposed to be in a photo album, but really, that’s perfectly fine as a quick signal of what we’re looking at, even if, since most of the time periods being flashed back to are well into the era digital photography, it doesn’t really make literal sense. It’s like Microsoft Word using a 3.5 inch floppy disk as a symbol for “save to disk,” or your smartphone using an outline of a classic bakelite phone handset for the app you actually use to make phone calls: sure, it’s kind of goofy, but everyone pretty much knows what it means, and it’s not like I have any ideas for how to do it better.

But unless today’s strip is the result of a complete brain fart over at Ol’ Daily Comics Coloring Central, I’m really at a loss to understand what’s supposed to be going on here. My first thought was that maybe the Starbuck Jones movie is being shot in black and white, for nostalgic purposes, or maybe because it seemed to work for Schindler’s List. But then I realized that of course we’re not looking at the movie itself but the process of filming said movie, so, like, I dunno. Maybe they think this is how you make a black and white movie: by putting all the actors in grey makeup and shooting them against a grey background and grey props. Everyone on set needs to be made up, too. Not a single speck of color can be even accidentally visible!

Pluggers, 10/3/16

Things pluggers don’t have access to, as near as I can tell from today’s Pluggers:

• Computers or Internet-capable cellphones of the sort that could give a complete list of football scores at a moment’s notice.
• A television that might recap those scores (I guess we already knew this)
• Friends who might be up on what happened in this week’s games
• Any sense of community or connection to society at large
• Even extremely small amounts of money

Beetle Bailey, 10/3/16

Guys, have … have we considered that Beetle might be dead?

Post Content

Spider-Man, 9/27/16

Using Spider-Man as a lens through which to satirize the contemporary media landscape is one of my running jokes that I am reasonably sure is primarily for my own enjoyment, though, you know, if I’m wrong, please contact me about doing a J. Jonah Jameson-centered Marvel Cinematic Universe Netflix series called Bugle! Anyway, one strand of said show would involve Spider-Man’s awkward position in being both a superhero and someone who profits from the public’s hunger for superhero-themed content. And just as news outlets’ coverage decisions are more and more influenced by web traffic and Facebook sharing behavior, what’s to say Spider-Man won’t start engaging in clickbait superheroics? If he determines that, say, photos of Spidey battling Doc Ock get more pageviews than photos of him sparring with the Shocker, will he allows the latter to commit crimes unmolested? Will his dignity allow him to follow through on the implications of the viral success of Buzzfeed’s “Top 10 Spider-Fail GIFs We Can’t Stop Laughing At”? The thing that, in the long run, will save him from falling into this trap is probably his total incompetence as a journalist; he can’t even figure out that hiding a tiny point-and-shoot camera in a tree forty feet away from the house where he’s about to confront a not terribly photogenic opponent is a bad idea, so presumably he’s completely incapable of getting useful data out of the Daily Bugle’s Chartbeat analytics dashboard.

Blondie, 9/27/16

Elmo is, in his quiet way, the most unsettling character in Blondie: an elementary-school-age child who seems to have few friends and no family and just hangs out a lot at the home of an adult non-relative. I can’t quite put my finger on why, but for me today’s revelation that Elmo also apparently spends time with Dagwood’s next door neighbor and best friend definitely makes things substantially weirder.

Dick Tracy, 9/27/16

Let’s give a big shoutout to the Colvard Institute, D.C.’s #1 think-tank for providing anti-extraterrestrial talking points to elected officials on both sides of the aisle! I certainly hope that, after they had their summer intern multiply two times three and get six and then multiply six by three thirteen times, they decided that was the equivalent at least ten billable hours.

Beetle Bailey, 9/27/16

I gotta say, if you had asked me what Beetle Bailey character was running an underground pharmaceutical ring, I would’ve guess Cosmo, or maybe Killer. Plato wouldn’t have even been on my list of suspects!