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Archive: Beetle Bailey

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Depressing Sunday

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/9/15

Well, it appears that Grimm, one of the beloved title characters of the syndicated comic strip Mother Goose and Grimm, has died. RIP Grimm, 1984-2015. Looking forward to seeing what new strip is in this space tomorrow.

Beetle Bailey, 8/9/15

Meanwhile, Zero, one of the beloved ancillary characters of the syndicated comic strip Beetle Bailey, is being carried off to be devoured by birds. Nobody will mourn him and the strip will continue on as usual.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/9/15

Ha ha, you didn’t think I’d have a post called “Depressing Sunday” and not talk about Funky Winkerbean in it, did you? Anyway, the time travel situation turned out to be “just a dream,” but let’s look on the bright side: this class reunion plot began with Les being strongarmed into running it at the last minute and extremely anxious about screwing it up. Typically, that sort of setup would result in the protagonist overcoming obstacles and putting together an event that everyone enjoyed, even if things happened that were a little out of the ordinary. But nope! This is Funky Winkerbean! Les did a shitty job and now everybody hates him! This is honestly the most satisfying conclusion that I can imagine.

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First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women

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Beetle Bailey, 8/8/15

Well well, it looks like Killer’s lothario ways were just a cover for what he really does with his spare time: trains in the secret, elite force that the richest of the rich worldwide will use to dispense with the outdated notion of the nation-state and seize power directly. The coup is this weekend, and there’s nothing you or me or Sarge or anyone else can do to stop it.

Apartment 3-G, 8/8/15

If you want proof of how far Apartment 3-G has fallen, here it is: a week that began with Margo dreaming of strangling her enemy is ending with Margo apparently on the verge of punting the planning of her parents’ wedding to the waitress of her favorite diner, right after said waitress insulted wedding planners, keeping in mind that Margo is an actual professional wedding planner.

Dennis the Menace, 8/8/15

Usually the golf course echoes with shouts of fealty to Our Lord Satan. The presence of this man of the cloth prevented the Dark One from rewarding Henry’s loyalty with improved scores … today.

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It’s just like one of the horror films the young man enjoys so much

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Beetle Bailey, 8/6/15

I’m not sure what I like more about this strip: the fact that Killer believes that pretending to be a semi-divine being from a higher plane of existence is a potentially productive seduction technique in the year 2015, or the fact that, based on the angle of the ropes in panels one and two, Beetle can’t be standing more than five feet away, meaning the conversation he and Killer had in panel one was completely audible to these poor young women.

Curtis, 8/6/15

Um, is Curtis about to embark on a storyline where where its title character is regularly eating “mystery meat” from a food truck, “mystery meat” that turns out to be … human flesh???? Once the fiendish butcher is caught and set to death row, will all the adults in Curtis’s life assure him that he couldn’t have known, that he committed no crime — and yet the guilt and shame will still haunt him for the rest of his life? If so, I will 100% forgive this strip for skipping the traditional Kwanzaa madness last year.

Archie, 8/6/15

Man, Archie Comics sure have their finger on the pulse of modern teen life, am I right? I mean, yard sales! God, there’s nothing a teen loves more than a yard sale.