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Beetle Bailey, 11/4/11

General Halftrack’s mind long ago turned to mush, with garden-variety senile dementia being speeded along by copious amounts of liquor. Still, he has moments of awful lucidity, as in today’s panel one, when he realizes that one of his soldiers is generally accompanied by an anthropomorphic dog. “Seriously, why does he walk on his hind legs? And wear a uniform? Is he actually in the Army? What sort of insane world have I been living in all these years?” Then, mercifully, the veil of madness quickly falls over his existence again. “What if I walked on all fours, like a dog? Ha ha, funny!”

Gasoline Alley, 11/4/11

Oh, look, Slim’s cousin, a character whose major distinguishing characteristic is that he tells appallingly bad jokes nonstop, is back, gracing us with a bad joke every day, forever! I have hopes that Clovia’s “!” is short for “Wait, I just reaized, I don’t just have to sit here and listen quietly to these bad jokes! I could, for instance, ask this gentleman to leave! Or I could murder him.”

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Mary Worth, 10/19/11

Boy, Mary Worth got kind of boring in my absence, didn’t it? With the surprisingly fast reunion and all? Bobby and Gina, back together, still in love … wait a minute, Bobby says he loved Gina, past tense! YES, MORE DRAMA AND HEARTBREAK AND oh, man, I’m looking for drama in the verb tenses of Mary Worth. This is quite frankly a new personal low.

Beetle Bailey, 10/19/11

If you had asked me, “Josh, could Beetle Bailey become less funny if the entire cast were replaced by tiny robot replicas of themselves?” I would have said “no” because quite honestly I would have tuned out everything after “become less funny.” But now that I see the aggressively wacky Mini-Gizmo I already hate it even more than I already hated the real Gizmo. God, I can just hear its loathsomely zany robot-voice. WHY DOES BEETLE BAILEY MAKE IRRITATING EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES?

Six Chix, 10/19/11

Yeah, so apparently Rina Piccolo (aka the Six Chix Wednesday chick) is going keep doing S&M themed comics until somebody stops her.

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Mary Worth, 10/7/11

Oh my gosh, you guys, the message-leaving is not going well. 1049, you fool, not 1045! Do “nine” and “five” sound anything alike? No! Well, except for the vowel! But still! You’re a disgrace to your bellhop uniform! Unless you’re not a bellhop at all, but rather a waiter at a Chinese restaurant! Which is just as likely, given the design of that uniform!

Meanwhile, a handsome slab of soccer-playing man-meat just walked up to the desk, missing his love connection by mere seconds. That sure is a sweet team logo Bobby’s got there, if by “logo” you mean “a sheet of paper that he tore in half, wrote ‘New York Blazers’ on, and then safety-pinned to his cardigan.”

Panel from Beetle Bailey, 10/7/11

Yay, the weekend is almost here! Why not relax and enjoy it, and celebrate the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell while you’re at it, by coming up with wacky things to put in Beetle’s word balloon here?