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Beetle Bailey, 8/7/22

Say what you will about Beetle Bailey — and lord knows I’ve said a lot over the years — but it can be extremely comforting in its on-the-noseness. What does a nerd look like? Well, he looks like Plato, with glasses. And what does a girl nerd look like? She looks like Plato as well, with glasses, but also slightly longer hair and crudely drawn boobs. What to they do on a date? They talk about Kierkegaard, obviously. That guy was smart! That’s why the nerds respect him, because he was a nerd like they are! Do the nerds have sex, on this date? Absolutely not. How dare you suggest such a thing. How dare you. You’ll rile up our readers with such talk!

Mary Worth, 8/7/22

I think all of us have wondered at one time or another: what is our purpose in life? Well, it looks like Wilbur’s finally about to figure out why he’s been put on this Earth: to serve as a cautionary example for others. Or maybe he won’t figure it out, I dunno, he’s not very smart or self-reflective. Anyway, kudos to Dawn for realizing she’s a bad person, but I honestly could’ve done with at least four or five more panels of Wilbur rattling off cruel adjectives others have used to describe him before she had her epiphany.

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Mary Worth, 8/1/22

Oh hell yes, while Jared is off getting weaksauce advice from Mary, Dawn has decided to instead turn to the #1 relationship expert in her life: her father, a guy who alienated every single woman he knows by letting them mourn his death while he partied on a private island. It’s great she’s pumping him full of her patented superspicy chili first, as Wilbur’s emotional intelligence really hits its peak when he’s ripping a bunch of nasty farts.

Beetle Bailey, 8/1/22

Beetle Bailey characters usually aren’t what I’d call “expressive” but I do actually enjoy Sarge’s face here in the second panel. “Hmm,” he thinks, “that is an unusually large amount of sweat. Could be from some kind of medical condition. Maybe they should get that checked out!”

Daddy Daze, 8/1/22

The overarching theme of Daddy Daze is, of course, that the Daddy Daze daddy is constantly on the verge of unravelling mentally, but it’s important to keep in mind that he’s in constant physical pain as well.

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Mary Worth, 7/4/22

Happy Fourth of July, everyone! Did you bake a cake for America’s birthday, like Mary did? No? Well, I guess you don’t love America enough, do you? (This sentiment still stands if Mary bought a sheet cake for America’s birthday at the supermarket, which at second glance she probably did. It’s the thought that counts!)

Dick Tracy, 7/4/22

For America’s birthday, Dick Tracy is reminding us that only AMERICA has sent manned spacecraft to the moon, where they discovered that the moon was inhabited by Moon People, one of whom, in this classic storyline, eloped with his son and Dick chased them there and then he did the extremely American thing where he’s shocked, shocked to learn that other countries (or planets) also have immigration laws and they apply to Americans. If I were in prison on the moon, I personally would want it to be an electric prison, because I’m pretty sure you need electricity to generate the oxygen I need to live, but that’s just me.

Pluggers, 7/4/22

Sorry to get political on here on the Fourth of July, everybody! Don’t get too mad at me! Reed Hoover also got political by claiming that hip-hop, an American-born art form that is one of the U.S.’s most popular cultural exports, isn’t welcome at a plugger’s Independence Day celebration. You can get mad at him all you want, but sadly it won’t do you any good.

Beetle Bailey, 7/4/22

Beetle Bailey is here to remind us that like any ideology, patriotism and nationalism are shaped by material conditions. When urging the U.S. to ease starvation in post-WWII Germany, General Lucius Clay, head of the occupying forces, famously said, “There is no choice between being a communist on 1,500 calories a day and a believer in democracy on a thousand.” The quantities here have shifted somewhat, but the point stands.

The Lockhorns, 7/4/22

The Lockhorns, meanwhile, invert the classic aphorism and make the political personal, every day. There’s no room for ideology in Leroy and Loretta’s world: everything gets crushed into interpersonal misery by the intense gravitational field of their mutual loathing.