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Mark Trail, 6/10/19

This current Mark Trail plot is moving along at what I wouldn’t call … the fastest pace of all time. About a month ago Mark ran away from bees then a couple weeks after that the gang found Skull Mountain and that’s been about it! Up until this crazy flood, that is. You’d think a flash flood would definitely be a sign that the drama has officially been amped up, but the whole thing with the bees only lasted a couple of days, so I’m reserving my judgement. I do like how Leola’s word balloon ends in an interrobang, indicating that something truly surprising, more surprising than a flash flood, is happening just off panel! Maybe it’s Mark continuing to run away from her, leaving her to drown in the flood? Sorry, Leola, the fewer survivors there are in this expedition the fewer people there’ll be to split the gold!

Family Circus, 6/10/19

There are like a dozen little hints in virtually every Family Circus panel that they represent repurposed art, or at least repurposed jokes, from an earlier era, an era when parents felt that children needed to be able to explore and test their limits unsupervised by grown-ups even at a very young age, and if that meant that some of them didn’t survive to adulthood, well, that’s why you start off having four of them, you know? I particularly appreciate how shiny the countertop is, teasing us that Dolly’s slippered feet are going to lose their purchase at any moment.

Beetle Bailey, 6/10/19

I feel like having Beetle surrounded by sand, in a loose pile and in a bag and in a wheelbarrow, wasn’t strictly necessary to make this joke work? In fact, since the joke is a metaphor, it’s actually actively distracting. If you’re gonna do it, why not go all the way with it? Why not have Lt. Fuzz be dousing himself with oil while grinning maniacally and extolling the efficiency of our armed services? It would make Sarge’s world-weary expression all the more appropriate.

Mary Worth, 6/10/19

Folks, if Wilbur and Estelle are currently at Delicious Grill chowing down on some sandwiches and making romantic eyes at each other, I am going to 100% lose my shit

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Beetle Bailey, 5/29/19

Hey, remember like two weeks ago when General Halftrack looked back on his career with a certain nostalgic glow? Well, apparently when he was abruptly and involuntarily confronted with his life history, he learned that it’s actually not so fun to contemplate. Ha ha, look at his face in the second panel! He wishes that bus smeared him all over the asphalt and put him out of his misery. I’m very excited because it’s only Wednesday and Beetle Bailey Misery Week is escalating rapidly; let’s see how sad it can get!

Blondie, 5/29/19

These are the things that Dagwood loves, in ascending order: his children; Elmo, who’s not his child but with whom he spends an inordinate amount of time; his wife; and sandwiches. Thus, the punchline to today’s strip is an act of sycophancy that borders on the excruciating.

Mary Worth, 5/29/19

“Remember the good old days, before computers, when you could just pick up a guy at his mother’s funeral? Now you gotta get on the internet or whatever and learn how to upload a picture. This country’s going right into the toilet!”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/28/19

Welp, I guess we’re gonna drag this botched robbery out even though all the danger has immediately dissipated. Maybe our boy Justin is standing a little too close to a couple of dudes that he just called the heavily armed cops on? Is someone gonna get killed in the crossfire? Can it be Justin? Please, I just need to feel something, anything when I read this comic strip.

Funky Winkerbean, 5/28/19

Hmm, looks like Cliff’s kemosabe reference was maybe really about Lisa, the beloved Funky Winkerbean character who, as you may have forgotten, died of cancer? There’s gotta be a connection there, right? Maybe the connection is “‘Kemosabe’ is a catchphrase from The Lone Ranger, which for decades was one of the most popular media franchises in America and so lots of people are familiar with it.” Just brainstorming!

Beetle Bailey, 5/28/19

Crushingly depressing Beetle Baileys are usually about the Halftrack marriage, but today’s strip is really mixing it up! It features Sgt. Lugg’s face crumpling because she realizes that she’s sitting on an army cot and eating something out of a dog bowl with a spoon, as part of a date.

Pajama Diaries, 5/28/19

STOP TRYING TO MAKE “THE PAJAMA DIARIES PEOPLE ARE A FUN MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE WHO ARE INTO BDSM” HAPPEN

IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN