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Blondie, 2/10/16

“And just like members of our family, we have exactly one photo of each of them. We englarge our family by placing one, and only one, order with every pizza place in the area. Then we add our new family member to our Collection, in the basement, behind the soundproof walls! Wait, did I say all that out loud? Uh, forget you ever saw these trophy photos, I mean, family photos, that I was looking at on my computer while I should be working, for no reason.”

Momma, 2/10/16

Momma always complains about Francis’s lack of ambition. Here, he desperately attempts to show her the scope of his vision, that laziness itself can be an art form. He will recline, like he does on Momma’s couch, but now he will let our mightiest river move him swiftly, state after state, until he’s finally swept out to sea and can embrace annihilation as he’s never seen again. “Why not just take the bus to the beach?” asks Momma as she takes a single cupcake out of the oven. Her world has always been, in every way, small.

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Blondie, 2/8/16

Welp, congratulations, Blondie! It’s only Monday and you’ve succeeded in thoroughly baffling and unsettling me. What could the nickname “Ol’ Stork Baby” possibly represent? Obviously it was foisted on this poor individual against their will, since Elmo’s use of it got him sent to detention. “Stork” might be meant to refer to someone as tall and gangly, and might be what a 75-year-old would think a child would say, but it’s the addition of “baby” that really throws me off. Did this unfortunate teacher not learn the basics of biological reproduction until later than socially acceptable? Did he or she proudly announce that they’d been delivered as an infant by the stork in their adolescent years, resulting in permanent derision? Is this some telling commentary on society’s treatment of sexuality: we’re too embarrassed to speak of it forthrightly, but will also shame and humiliate those who don’t understand it?

Pluggers, 2/8/16

Piece by piece, pluggers are being rebuilt. Better than before. They’re more machine than man-animal now. Soon they’ll be unstoppable.

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Panels from Mark Trail, 1/17/16

Wow, it sounds like these so-called fishermen are making a ton of money from animals that aren’t even fish! What a bunch of frauds! Sure glad Mark Trail is on the case to blow the lid off of these seafaring phonies.

Spider-Man, 1/17/16

Oh, look, it’s my favorite kind of industrial accident, right after the kind that produces “Oops! All Berries” Cap’n Crunch: the kind that accidentally results in a comic strip being uploaded without any black in it! This will be probably fixed by the time you read this, but this is what the strip looked like when I found it. The panels are strangely beautiful, and definitely 100% less annoying now that you can’t read any of the dialogue or figure out exactly what’s going on.

Panels from Blondie, 1/17/16

“You don’t understand, Blondie! It’s just cheap and physical with Herb! He’s only for when you’re not available! You’ve gotta believe me!”