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Slylock Fox, 6/25/12

One of the great strengths of Slylock Fox is its ability to create little self-contained stories with only a single panel and a few sentences; still, I think today’s installment could have used a bit more fleshing out, particularly when it comes to how Benny Beaver (aka the “Toothy Tumbler,” a nickname he presumably only earned at this precise moment) came to just fall out of a plane without a parachute. More to the point, why is he taking a flight in tiny airplane with Max and Sly in the first place? We all know that Slylock’s world is a dictatorship where the power of police is not restrained by any kind of independent judiciary, so my first instinct was that Benny was a political dissident that Slylock was eliminating Argentine junta-style, but Slylock’s showy rescue obviously eliminates this possibility. Unless it’s elaborate theater, an attempt (one that Slylock will deliberately botch) to show that he tried his best to rescue the clumsy water-rodent, despite Benny’s known subversive attitudes towards the benevolent Slylockian state? Anyway, since Max appears to have been left alone in the airplane — an airplane with controls that he is far too tiny to operate properly — Slylock may be taking care of several of his rodent problems at once here.

Blondie, 6/25/12

I would find this clerk’s befuddlement more believable were it not for the fact that he’s working in some kind of vintage electronics store, what with the countertop ad for a flip-phone with an antenna and the clearly visible Apple Newton and handheld VHS cameras in the display case.

Archie, 6/25/12

I keep meaning to tell y’all: If you are interested in some of the really quite fetching clothing designs that have appeared in Archie Comics over the years, you owe it to yourself to check out the Betty and Veronica Fashions Tumblr. I bring it up now because if there were some kind of evil mirror-universe version of this Tumblr that focused on hideous, ill-drawn outfits from the mid-’90s reruns in the Archie newspaper strip, Reggie would totally have earned a place in it by wearing whatever the hell it is he has on here.

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Ziggy, 5/28/12

I guess Ziggy is supposed to be sitting on an old-fashioned wrought-iron chair, of the sort that you might find in an old-timey ice cream shops that will serve delicious, life-affirming sundaes. Still, I still prefer my initial take on this panel, which was that Ziggy has a tube attached to the back of his neck, pumping him full of who knows what. “…what a difference a sundae makes! Along with massive amounts of morphine! For a brief moment, I don’t yearn for the sweet release of death!”

Apartment 3-G, 5/28/12

When we last checked in with our fabulously wealthy lovelorn couple, Margo had advised Scott to stop pursuing Nina, letting her realize for herself that she really needed the man who browbeat her into having a baby and then smooched someone else. Naturally, Scott has interpreted this to mean that he should move into Nina’s father’s house, where Nina herself fled specifically to get away from him! Nina’s dad shows what being a good parent is all about by being totally into this idea. Since Nina can’t trust her father, her husband, or her erstwhile friend Margo whom her husband was canoodling with, it looks like she’ll have no choice but to flee into the arms of … Tommie? Ha ha, no, nobody could possibly be that desperate.

Blondie, 5/28/12

I’m pretty sure that Popeye is a “sailor” in the sense of being a crewman on a sea-going vessel, not in the sense of being an enlisted man in the U.S. Navy. And yet he dares to enjoy generosity meant for our armed forces, while real heroes like Sgt. Snorkel and Pvt. Bailey slink away in disgust. Why does Popeye hate America?

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/26/12

Oh my goodness, has anything in the comics ever been as delightful as Rex and June’s facial expressions in panel one of this strip? June at least looks concerned, if comically so; Rex, on the other hand, is heaving what must be the loudest, most dickish sigh of all time. “Can’t we please,” he seems to be asking, “have just one funeral in this town that doesn’t devolve into a trans-generational drunken catfight? Please?”

I love Rex and June’s facial expressions SO MUCH that that I’ve decided to revive an ancient (yes, five years ago is “ancient,” on the Internet) Comics Curmudgeon tradition: a comics panel lookalike contest! You might recall the finger-quotin’ Margo and self-clubbing Tyler lookalike contests; now it’s time for a Hilariously Overwrought Rex and June Facial Expression Lookalike contest! Here, here’s a close-up of the panel:

Take a photo of you and a friend imitating Rex and June here (no need to include Iris and Mabel, but feel free if you think its important for your take on the tableau) and send éem to me at bio@jfruh.com. The top entry will be arbitrarily chosen by me and whatever friends or family members I rope into helping me pick, and wins … eternal glory? Sure, let’s say that. Eternal glory PLUS your choice of one item from the Comics Curmudgeon merch store, which yes, still exists, even though I haven’t updated it in a long time. Go forth and look like that panel, everybody! Points for style, execution, amusing variations, etc.! I am not legally responsible if you sprain your face trying to match Rex and June’s expressions.

Blondie, 5/26/12

How much more out of touch from today’s cultural zeitgeist can these legacy comics gets. Everyone knows today’s younger adults are way too marketing-savvy to be interested in some flashy redesigned cereal box. Instead, they go gaga for retro cereal box design, like the recent throwback Captain Crunch boxes with the original character design by Rocky & Bullwinkle creator Jay Ward and oh my God I want that cereal I want it I WANT IT.

Spider-Man, 5/26/12

“Mammon Theater,” you say? Now the true nature of this storyline is clear. Picture Perfect represents the kind of safe, commercial, money-making Broadway hit that’s brushing aside live theater’s unique ability to challenge the audience and foment social change, instead turning the stage into just another entertainment venue. Hardy Laurel’s attempts to expand theatergoers’ minds with his absurdist, Dada-esque improvisations have been brushed aside in the quest for profits; now he’ll wreak a terrible revenge … for art’s sake.