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Beetle Bailey, 6/25/22

What really makes this strip for me is how mad General Halftrack looks. Sure, he’s off golfing while his soldiers are enduring physical training to prepare them for combat, but at least he’s not enjoying himself!

Blondie, 6/25/22

I’m reaching an age when you start getting self-reflective, start asking yourself questions about what have you done with your one wild and precious life, and what do you plan on doing with it in the future. It turns out I’ve spent a surprising amount of time contemplating the Bumsteads’ bathroom situation. I’m not using that phrase as a euphemism — this isn’t Marvin, after all — but rather wondering about the actual, physical bathrooms in their palatial suburban home. You know, how many bathrooms they have, what floors they’re on, that sort of thing. Then, of course, there’s the question of why Dagwood only takes baths, never showers, which I guess may be getting more intimate than architectural. In that sense, today may be a big day for him. Is he finally going to try out this “shower” business everyone raves about? Or is he just going to have Herb hose him down every day for the next decade until he’s sure he wants to make the big shift? Anyway, I wish I could tell you that I will no longer be putting my energy into these sort of ruminations, but we all know that would be a lie.

Mary Worth, 6/25/22

A decade ago, Dawn got dumped by a previously unseen boyfriend named “Dave” and went into a hilarious weeks-long emotional tailspin, spending hours on the couch numbly watching Game of Thrones and mubling to herself in an attempt to ease the pain. It’s nice to see that in the indeterminate amount of in-universe time since, she’s really changed her whole attitude about relationships in a healthy way: now she only dates real drips, so that when they inevitably dump her, instead of getting depressed she just gets furious.

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Dustin, 6/18/22

“What I’m trying to say, kid, is that when you get old, your body goes to shit. But also, you stop feeling inconvenient emotions. So it honestly it’s a mixed bag.”

Blondie, 6/18/22

This strip thinks the real tragedy is that these kids are so obsessed with their phones that they’ll never know the true joy of playing together in the park. But to me, the tragedy is that Elmo thought Dagwood was his friend, but apparently the feeling isn’t mutual.

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Blondie, 6/14/22

The first panel of today’s strip sent me into an emotional state that, if you’re a frequent reader of this blog, you know I experience far too often: indignation that a comic character’s whole longstanding deal is being ignored for the sake of a joke! OK, sure, Blondie started her catering business in 1991, which was a full 61 years after this strip was started, but it was also 31 years ago, so I think it counts as pretty well-established, and the lore is that Blondie and Tootsie run a full-on catering business, not a “sandwich shop.” But by the time I got to the end of this strip, I realized what was happening: this guy is one of Dagwood’s buddies from the online forums for real sandwich sickos hosted on the dark web. Anonymity on those sites is the rule of the day so that people can post their innermost desires without fear, but Dagwood managed to dox this guy and told Blondie just to say “the s word,” as the sandwich community puts, and she’d get a loan in no time. And people say Dagwood’s lazy! He’d do anything for his wife, even betray the most sacred trust among sandwichlads.

Dennis the Menace, 6/14/22

Dennis at age 6 realizing that sating one’s appetites to excess can rob those appetites of their pleasure, yet pressing on with mindless consumption nonetheless: reaching a new threshold of personal self-menacing. Or he’s just disgusting and covered with bits of food, one or the other.

Dick Tracy, 6/14/22

Look, Dick Tracy, none of us are interested in playing “the long game” with you and filing these little clues away for payoffs months or years in the future, OK? We want one thing out of you, and it’s murders, murders, murders.