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Curtis, 9/6/26

Curtis is one of the few strips that does generational discourse that in my opinion truly gives both sides their due, which is one of the reasons I think it’s a good comic strip. Like, Greg is right! Fast food restaurants used to have a much more vibrant color scheme, and as our society’s general aesthetic has become more muted, they’ve become as bland and corporate as everything else! Also, they don’t have to appeal to children as much anymore because today’s adults grew up on fast food themselves and don’t need to be convinced to go there by their kids’ whining, and these things all really say a lot about society. But also, Curtis is right! Who wants to hear this crap? Who has the time and energy for this kind of rumination? Who needs to talk about all this when we could be enjoying a couple of delicious [squints] bobo-combobos?

Beetle Bailey, 9/6/26

It really bothers me that Sarge starts out eating pizza from an open box sitting directly on his bare legs and at some point falls asleep with the open box on top of his blanket. Like what happened between those two panels? Did he get chilly mid-meal, tuck himself in, but continued to chow down on the pizza, then eventually dozed off? I do, however, appreciate the various facial expressions on offer in the final panel. Beetle and Killer look genuinely pleased to offer the cookies to Sarge, whereas Plato and Rocky seem grimly resigned to their task, which is to use those jugs of milk to murder him in some way, possibly by drowning.

Crankshaft, 9/6/26

That’s right! To this pizza-serving AI, all the human customers at Montoni’s are nothing more than a mob of flesh! Weak, pathetic flesh that can be easily sliced to ribbons by its built-in laser. Clumping together in a mob just makes the flesh-bags easier to target!

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Mary Worth, 9/4/26

Nelly Feneley has been spending all week seething about how terrible everything is these days, but we’ve been wondering how this would intersect with Ian and Mary laffing it up in the car. Well, here’s your answer! Nelly has decided that Ian and Mary are having sex! That sounds horrible, of course, but remember, Nelly thinks everything around her — food, dogs, the Charterstone condominium community — is bad. And what sort of sexual relationships would you think might occur in the worst of all possible worlds? Mary/Ian, right? Mary and Ian doin’ it on the reg would be a sure sign that you were living in hell, wouldn’t it? That you were being tormented with this knowledge by a wrathful God, for your many sins?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/4/26

Ah, well, it appears that the scam twins, having been repeatedly stymied in their attempts to make something interesting happen in Glenwood, are going to leave town. At least they’ve learned something, though, right? Well, no. But they’ve made an impression on the locals, and maybe taught them a thing or two? Also no.

Crankshaft, 9/4/26

A sassy pizza robot with a built in laser: another thing that syndicated newspaper cartoonists think is AI, but isn’t. But this might end with Ed Crankshaft being killed, with the aforementioned laser, so I’m willing to see how it plays out.

Shoe, 9/4/26

Ha ha, comics sure have changed over the years! In the early days of this strip in the ’80s, the punchline here would be about the Perfesser watching girls in leotards on his TV and getting horny. But now it’s in 2026, and the punchline is about how he has crippling depression.

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Judge Parker, 8/22/26

Hey, remember how Neddy was freaking out because April, or maybe a fake April, was coming to violently drag Charlotte off into her world of intrigue and spycraft? Well, let’s check in on how that exciting story is goi– oh, what’s that you say? It’s endless boring emotional processing, as predicted? Ah well. Let’s check back a few weeks from now, or maybe never.

Crankshaft, 8/22/26

Hey, remember how Crankshaft dragged Harry away in the middle of choir practice for some mysterious and very important reason? Well that reason was that Montoni’s, a place that Harry has visited before since he lives in Westview and everything in Westview revolves around Montoni’s for some god-forsaken reason, has a picture of Harry’s dad and his band on the wall, proving that Montoni had served mediocre Ohio-style pizza to not one but two generations of Dinkles. Harry never noticed the picture before because of his trauma, probably, but now that he’s made peace with the fact that his dad was a neglectful drunk, he apparently is happy to learn the extremely boring fact that his dad also bought pizza from the local pizza-making restaurant.

Dennis the Menace, 8/22/26

Look, I guess Monopoly is a game about business, sort of, but I don’t think Henry should’ve required Dennis to dress in business casual just to play it.