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Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft, 6/7/13

So we’ve been wandering down Funkyverse memory lane this week, encountering of revelations about Lisa and Darrin and Frankie. This had been sort of already described by Funky scribe/puppetmaster Tom Batuik in an interview a few months ago, but: while in previous iterations of the Darrin origin narrative the story was that his conception was consensual if regrettable, we are now getting dark hints that this was not so much the case. This isn’t particularly unrealistic, honestly — as in, lots of people who are victims of acquaintance rape minimize it or don’t tell anyone due to shame or a feeling that other people won’t believe them — though it does also dovetail nicely with the strip’s overall plunge to the bottom of the deep pit of existential despair over the decades. I am a little bit unsettled by the smiles all around in the third panel. “Ha, so our downstairs neighbors stumbled upon your future biological parents right after your bio-dad raped your birth mother! What a kooky coincidence! So now he’s making a reality TV show, you say? How interesting.”

This all raises once again the somewhat awkward question of Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft’s relative chronology, i.e., Funky time-jumped and Crankshaft didn’t, so this incident took place around 30 years ago in Funky, but only around 20 years ago in Crankshaft, but the cultural references in both strips place them in the present, so if the Faircloths seek out Pam and Jeff will they be 10 years older than they are in Crankshaft or what, etc. Crankshaft could have tried to complement the Funky flashbackery, somehow, or it could have just ignored it, but instead it decided to go the most confusing route possible: launching its own flashback story to some indeterminate earlier period when Pam and Jeff had an entirely different downstairs neighbor lady who almost blew up the house.

Mary Worth, 6/7/13

Meanwhile, Mary Worth is about to launch into a much more fun and exciting scenario: a biddy on biddy battle. Mary’s overwhelming desire to see everyone in the world (except for her, natch) paired up in heteronormative couples is almost overwhelming. Do you think she’ll let anyone stand in the way of that? Even the mother of one half of the couple in question? You need to get one thing straight, Elinor: Mary will show no mercy.

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Mary Worth, 5/26/13

Oh, did you think that Elinor was going to react to her daughter’s betrayal with verbal abuse or physical violence? No, that’s not her style, you see. She’s more into faking various medical ailments. This will be her toughest challenge yet! Malinger, Elinor! Malinger with all your might!

Marvin, 5/26/13

Ha ha, Marvin isn’t fooled by his mother’s “love” or whatever. As soon as he learns to poop in a toilet, he’s going to narc her out! (Don’t worry, Marvin-mom, that will never happen.)

Crankshaft, 5/26/13

Pam would much rather just take her chances fleeing into the woods than listen to any more of her husband’s terrible jokes, and nobody can blame her. Run free, Pam. Don’t know where you’re heading. Don’t know what you’ll find when you get there. Maybe you’ll end up sleeping by a creek, eating berries and insects to survive. But the wordplay — the wordplay will stop. It’ll finally be over.

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Today is Mother’s Day across most of the world (British “Mum’s Day” is celebrated during Lent, in retribution for their cooking). Because of its ability to trigger a laugh riot of misunderstandings, dysfunction, and resentment, Mother’s Day is a huge deal in the comics, on a scale with Thanksgiving. Let’s see how some of our favorite families celebrate:

Edge City, 5/12/13

Obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin demands smooth sheets and an unsullied mattress, even if it means forgoing all the messy pleasures that sustain bonds of love. Husband Len submissively abets her every whim. It’s a mystery how those children got here.

Zits, 5/12/13

Jeremy Zits-Duncan promises to give his mother the tolerance and respect she most desires, but fails utterly in the execution. SPANG!

Mary Worth, 5/12/13 (panel)

Beth Kinley celebrates her mother’s special day by ditching Elinor to enjoy some incompetent afterdinner macking on new beau Tom Harpman. Hey, Tom: Beth is a real girlfriend — quit trying to inflate her.

Lockhorns, 5/12/13 (panel)

Leroy cranks up the hypocrisy to give Loretta’s mom a proper greeting. Brrrrr…

Dennis the Menace, 5/12/13 (panel)

Henry and Dennis get it right … and so, as always, does Alice. But c’mon — Dondi was more menacing than this!

Funky Winkerbean, 5/12/13 (panel)

Darin and Jessica bring flowers to the grave of somebody named Lisa Moore whose ashes weren’t scattered in New York’s Central Park the way Darin’s mom’s were.

Crankshaft, 5/12/13

Jeff Murdoch congratulates himself for overspending at the Hallmark: “Surely now my mother will love me?” Ha ha, nope!

Happy Mother’s Day — give Mom a call!

— Uncle Lumpy