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Spider-Man, 11/2/06

This is just one more reason to oppose out-of-control corporate media consolidation.

Crankshaft, 11/2/06

Not soon enough, you evil old man, not soon enough.

Gil Thorp, 11/2/06

“A tie, do you hear me, a tie! We’re monsters! What have we done? A tie!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/2/06

Man, I think June played the race card kind of early in this dispute.

One Big Happy, 11/2/06

Hates boys? Sounds like she likes boys … a little too much.

…

OK, that … that was probably over the line.

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Crankshaft, 8/17/06

All right, Crankshaft. Do you want to be hardcore? I mean, the way the Lockhorns is hardcore, with an unrelenting focus on the unlikability of your title character? I sometimes get the feeling that you do, but you so often chicken out, with humanizing anecdotes about Crankshaft’s childhood or glimpses into his supposed soft side or mild jokes told by scantily clad girls. You’ve got to jettison all of that. Instead, every day should be like today. Panel one: Crankshaft is presented with an opportunity, at virtually no cost to himself, to perform some small act of human kindness. Panel two: Crankshaft declines to take said opportunity. Boom, boom. Hardcore.

Six Chix, 8/17/06

OK, Six Chix using the same joke as They’ll Do It Every Time was probably a coincidence. But here they’re using the patented TDIET format. Should Al Scaduto sit idly by and let them rip him off? No way! He needs to respond in the harshest way possible! No, not a lawsuit — with an angry cartoon!

Howzzat again? “Libby” and five of her friends say they’re going to create a new kind of comic strip … real “fresh,” yuh see…

…but when they run out of ideas … well, uh … guess whose playbook they’re poaching from?

Oh yeah!

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Apartment 3-G, 8/6/06

I think it’s pretty clear that Tommie’s going to get her mind blown, over and over, until she begs to never ever get a storyline of her own again. I admit that it’s pretty shocking that a woman in her late twenties might call a man in his early fifties by his first name — if you live in 1954. Otherwise, I got nothing on Tommie’s total bafflement. Maybe she’s devastated that her longtime partner in sexless chastity has a non-platonic date with someone. Whatever it is, I hope we’re treated to a whole week of Tommie word-ballooning random words in quotation marks and out of context.

Mary Worth, 8/6/06

“I’m pretty open-mined, but I don’t find Aldo’s brand of stalking amusing at all!” Personally, I find Mary, that champion of suburban condo conformity, describing herself as “open minded” to be quite amusing. Tell the ladies at the downtown women’s shelter all about your open-mindedness, why don’t ya?

Since I actually am open minded, I find Aldo’s brand of humor freakin’ hilarious. Particularly risible is his maniacal and heavily-motion-lined evil hand-rubbing in the final panel. Or maybe he’s so turned on by the thrill of pursuit that he’s doing some spontaneous hand-jiving.

Crankshaft, 8/6/06

There’s absolutely nothing about the humor content of this strip that demands that it be narrated by girls in bikinis, but I’m gradually learning that the main role of the granddaughter in this feature is to distract from the lame-o writing by wearing something skimpy.