Archive: Crankshaft

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Gil Thorp, 8/14/17

Oh, so that’s what Jaquan meant by “backwards!” It looks like instead of the summer wackiness we crave, we’ll be getting … a 31-year-old pro basketball player with a bum knee suddenly deciding he wants to play an insanely physically punishing game that chews up its players’ bodies and destroys their brains? Sure, why not! At least he’ll have Heather on his side, a high school student and coaching dabbler who in just a few months last year helped linebacker Kevin Pelwecki achieve his dream of becoming a fifth-string quarterback, probably just so Gil wouldn’t have to listen to him whine anymore. Maybe this summer will be wacky after all, if you consider a long prelude to a debilitating concussion “wacky!”

Hi and Lois, 8/14/17

I find this comic honestly delightful! Look at how happy everybody is! I’m really enjoying the image of Lois explaining to Thirsty in a soothing voice, possibly while holding an ice-cold beer just out of reach, how four to six hours a day spent in a pleasant PBR haze on the couch flipping through the channels of the Flagstons’ premium cable package could be plausibly spun to Irma as “house-sitting.”

Crankshaft, 8/14/17

You know, I have to admit, while Crankshaft wasn’t at the top of my list of widely syndicated newspaper comic strips that I thought might do a piss-drinking joke, it wasn’t exactly at the bottom, either.

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Mary Worth, 8/5/17

Remember, whether a guy is a ruggedly handsome but troubled mid-fortysomething alpha or a whiny, passive-aggressive early-thirtysomething beta, he has a lot of potential techniques for convincing a 19-year-old to make the terrible decision to sleep with him, and pretty high on the list is the “you seem so mature!” gambit. Don’t worry, though, nobody who’s ever tried to flirt by saying “you’ve surprised me again, [first and last name of the person I’m flirting with]” has ever actually had sex.

Blondie, 8/5/17

I pretty much assume that most legacy comics are written by aging men who get a lot of inspiration by looking at the news/today’s society and saying “What the hell is this about,” and as an aging man myself, I find this impulse more and more relatable. For instance, did you know that this treadmill bike is apparently a real thing, and that its inventor came up with it trying to answer the question “How can I use the treadmill outdoors?” He deserves every bit of roasting the Blondie-industrial complex can heap upon him, in my cranky old opinion.

Crankshaft, 8/5/17

Speaking of cranky and old, the cranky old men of Crankshaft have a cute way to let each other know they’re “just kidding around” when the political talk gets too heated: they just shit themselves right there in the booth at the diner!

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Crankshaft, 8/2/17

Many of us are going to find ourselves caring for our parents as they age, and helping them do the things they can’t anymore. But we should set firm boundaries: do not engage in terribly unfunny wordplay on your parents’ behalf, if you value your dignity!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/2/17

One of my favorite things about Rex Morgan, M.D., is the panoply of Rex pissyfaces. Today’s model, which I call “I am very much NOT raising someone’s child just because you went to middle school with her and then she dropped dead in my guest room,” is a particular delight.

Dennis the Menace, 8/2/17

“I helped! Tonight we dine on filth!” Dennis is, uh, legitimately menacing today, guys.