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Mary Worth, 9/13/19

So there hasn’t really been much by way of a “twist” in this Dawn Summer Romance plot, honestly, but maybe at least now we’re getting to what’s intended to be the point, which is that Dawn having her heart broken will hurt for only a little while, so maybe she should just be grateful that she didn’t suffer some kind of terrible injury that resulted in permanent facial scarring, you know what I mean? Dawn, you hearing this? This saintly young man is offering to help you! Pull yourself together, girl!!!!

Hagar the Horrible, 9/13/19

Ha ha, so, the running Hagar the Horrible bit about Lucky Eddie’s mermaid fetish has all been in good fun, but today’s strip is getting a little too close to “hey, let’s think in some biological detail about mermaids’ reproductive cycle and, by extension, their sex lives, and specifically the sex life shared by this mermaid and Lucky Eddie” and you know what? Nope. This is where I tap out.

Crock, 9/13/19

Hey, you guys know about … brands? Well get this, what if there were brands … but for weapons? [My aide whispers the entire history of the military-industrial complex into my ear] Wait, what

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/13/19

“For that to happen, wouldn’t I have to have sex? Like, with Buck? No thanks.”

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Crock, 7/25/19

I’m not usually a “this political cartoon needs more labels” guy, but today’s Crock — which is not, strictly speaking, a political cartoon, but nevertheless is rich in political content — needs some more explanation of what the hell its point is, because folks: there’s a lot going on here. It’d be one thing if the implication was that the Kids Today have turned away from baseball cards (or, more generically “sport trading cards”) and instead turned to CEO cards; it could be some ambiguous statement about changing priorities, or the entrepreneurial nature of the kids today. But the reference to the “crime stats” really puts a whole different spin on it. Is Maggot’s side-eye a criticism of our lawless culture’s affect on children, where predatory business practices are lionized and the youth fall under the sway of win-at-any-cost business leaders? Or is the children’s card game meant to be a critique of capitalism, and Maggot’s discomfort is with this obvious socialist propaganda dissuading the youth from respecting those who’ve worked hard to create jobs? And why is there a vulture involved? I mean, I know the larger sense there’s a vulture character in Crock, but is he meant to be symbolic here? Does he represent venture (“vulture”) capital funds, which buy up unprofitable companies and strip them for parts? Does he represent Marxist “revolutionaries” hoping to gorge on the wealth created by productive capitalists? WHY? WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS SO MUCH? WHY??????

Six Chix, 7/25/19

Now here’s a strip that doesn’t need any explanation! Just a mom cockroach and her adorable little kid cockroach, and they love each other! Nothing weird or unpleasant or confusing about that!

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Hagar the Horrible, 5/24/19

Shoutout to Lucky Eddie for understanding that “torture” goes beyond the usual cartoonish depictions. Hagar and Eddie’s fellow prisoner may not have been subjected to the rack, and may not even have any scars, but years spent chained to the wall in a forced “stress position” — and, more importantly, spent in isolation without meaningful human contact — have clearly reduced him to gibbering madness.

Crock, 5/24/19

What’s more unsettling here? The fact that Crock’s Wise Sage, whose “powers” as depicted in the strip are usually restricted to offering fairly pedestrian advice, is suddenly capable of transforming Captain Poulet into a car — presumably a car in which the Captain’s mind is forever trapped, and screaming? Or the implication that women everywhere want to own, or possibly fuck, the Batmobile?