Crock, 11/5/16
The grinding colonial war in North Africa has taken such a toll on the métropole that the French Foreign Legion is now recruiting child soldiers.
Mary Worth, 11/5/16
It’s not that time spent without Wilbur goes quickly, exactly; it’s more that time spent with him goes very, very slowly.
Beetle Bailey, 11/5/16
General Halftrack is being taken out to the desert, to die!
Crock, 10/16/16
Buns of Steel — you remember: Alaska fitness entrepreneur Greg Smithey, VCR tape, 1987? Thirty years ago? Inherently funny. I mean, “buns,” heh, that’s comedy gold amirite. So, are we done here? Draw it up and publish — just be sure to put a big butt in there somewhere.
Judge Parker, 10/16/16
THINK, NEDDY, THINK!
THAT NEWS LADY WILL TRY TO PIN THIS ALL ON YOU.
CHEATING THE OLDS. LOCKING THEM IN STEEL BOXES. BRIBING THE BUILDING INSPECTOR.
SO UNFAIR.
WAIT, HERE’S HANK.
♫ “Hi, Hank!” ♪
THIS WAS ALL HANK’S IDEA. WASN’T IT? YES IT WAS. HE USED ME. THE BRUTE.
SO UNFAIR.
♫ “Thanks, Hank — ‘Bye!” ♪
SAY, I WONDER IF MARK STILL WANTS TO GET MARRIED? HONG KONG SOUNDS PRETTY SWEET RIGHT NOW.
Spider-Man, 10/16/16
Next to their endless faux-clever dialogue while they “battle,” the thing that annoys me most about superheros is the ham-handed logic used to get them out of jams. The conceit here is that the reformulated shrink-gas that took away Ant-Man’s “powers of a man” affected only Spider-Man’s man-strength, leaving his spider-strength untouched so the joke’s on you Egghead a.k.a. Elihas Starr, nemesis of the first Ant-Man Hank Pym and the second Ant-Man Scott Lang. But hey waitaminute – if that long-ago bite gave Peter a spider’s proportionate strength, shouldn’t shrinking leave him with the actual strength of — a spider? So splot, right?
Algebra is hard. I think Egghead’s chosen the right approach here.
— Uncle Lumpy
Funky Winkerbean, 10/2/16
Funky Winkerbean has been mired in an extremely tiresome plot where Cindy is jealous because her hunky actor fiance Mason has to kiss a younger non-Cindy lady as part of his hunky acting career. I’m intrigued by today’s panel, though: since the young lady is question is playing the character Jupiter Moon, I suppose that means that in this comic book scenario, Cindy is “Queen Morphine?” Shoutout to Funky Winkerbean for besting Mary Worth and going right past mere opioids and straight into real opiates for its next depressing storyline, is what I’m saying.
Crock, 10/2/16
In the mid-20th century, there were two near coups against the French government that were launched by military leaders based in Algeria, so this strip isn’t that far from reality! I’m kind enjoying my new imagined alternate history in which Vermin P. Crock is installed by the forces armées françaises as the first president-for-life of the Sixth Republic.
Shoe and Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/2/16
The Perfesser is terrified that he’s going to be condemned to bird hell; meanwhile, Grimm has learned to his horror that in the afterlife dogs are not restored to their healthy form, and if they die rabid they writhe in awful, violent madness eternally. It’s a bad day in the comics for dead animals!