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Phantom, 7/1/2008

Joke’s on you, Stripey — this guy’s just as crazy as you are, and has a much better claim to the premises. You two “heroes” work it out among yourselves — just stay the hell off our streets.

Curtis, 7/1/2008

Yup — no stereotyping here.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/1/2008

Les and Santa there look a little too happy about Tony’s return, in a way that can’t bode well for Funky. And from the shaky grasp of the English language betrayed in panel three, things aren’t looking up for author Tom Batiuk, either.

Gasoline Alley, 7/1/2008

Ah, the fog parts and all becomes clear: The Humiliation of Rufus, Part XXVII reveals the futility of his dreams of glory, and betrayal of his unconditional love by the kitten he saved. On the plus side, he’s ready for a major part in Funky Winkerbean or Crankshaft.

Mary Worth, 7/1/2008

In the harsh glare of Mary’s intrusiveness, it’s easy to overlook the soft glow of her unrelenting pettiness. Here, she spurns her new (entirely hypothetical) love interest on the basis of his distaste for her beloved seafood: “Don’t like scrod? Then no, by God!”

Hey, everybody — Josh is back! Look for an “I’m back” post sometime Tuesday afternoon, followed by the generous banquet of the Joshy goodness we’ve all come to know and love. Thanks!

— Uncle Lumpy

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For Better or For Worse, 6/27/2008

OK, after a full week of this, we get it: Michael’s a brat and Elly’s overwhelmed. But how on earth do those other comic moms do it? Let’s go see!

Curtis, 6/27/2008

Oh, you do not mess with Diane Wilkins — Curtis knows it, Greg knows it, and I’m willing to bet God knows it. I give author Ray Billingsley a lot of richly-deserved grief, but his characters act like people. Who doesn’t know — and secretly fear — a force of nature like Diane?

Funky Winkerbean, 6/27/2008

Linda Lopez-Bushka is quieter, but no less effective. Jinx has been thwarting Bull’s incompetent attempts to bond, so Mom shows them both how it’s done. And engineers a pleasant summer in a quiet house with the soaps on and her feet up.

Crankshaft, 6/27/2008

With this strip, Crankshaft finally reaches the lower limit of what can reasonably be called “wordplay.” Jeff Murdoch there is Ed Crankshaft’s son-in-law, an ineffective, self-pitying drudge who hates his vicious harridan of a mother, yet is moving her into his home, possibly because it’s the only way he can cause her pain. It’s true: Ed Crankshaft is the comic relief in this strip.

Gah, I can’t close the week on that note! Let’s see some bonus panels!

Family Circus, 6/27/2008

Yes, Billy, and “LAME” is an adjective. But look how the tyke’s melon head has grown, and the mouth with it! A few months more and its blackness will consume the entire frame, matching the artwork to the captions at last.

Judge Parker, 6/27/2008

Judge P. comes back after eighteen months and promptly leaves on vacation. Who does this guy think he is — Josh?

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mark Trail, 4/25/08

Here, let me recap for you everything that’s happened in this strip since I last mentioned it a month ago: little Madeline started letting her dog Bill just roam around the neighborhood, because she is a moron, and the evil dognappers dognapped him, leaving Madeline sad, which she deserves. Some might say that I’m being too hard on a little girl, and that her mother bears some of the blame for not letting her know that people don’t just let their dogs roam free through neat suburban neighborhoods because they tend to urinate and/or defecate on your (or the neighbors’) lawn, or run away, or get hit by cars, or, on planet Mark Trail, get stolen by dognappers and held for ransom, what the heck. But shouldn’t Madeline have noticed that when Mommy let Daddy roam free at night, eventually he never came back? C’mon, kid, you’ve got to learn from your family’s past mistakes.

Anyway, the reason I’m even bothering with this strip is that Mark Trail apparently now has a cell phone. The thought of him using any technology developed after 1955 confuses and terrifies me, which means that I’m glad to see that the actual illustration involves him talking on his motel’s black rotary phone, as God intended.

Gasoline Alley, 4/25/08

I’m not even going to pretend that I understand exactly what’s going on in Gasoline Alley — that’s what Going Antisane is for. All I can tell you is that it involves the dude with glasses, who is an over-the-top parody of some kind of wealthy college boy from the 1930s, marrying into a clan of sassy hillbillies — except that his fiancée is actually a blonde, not the brunette he’s smooching here mere moments before the ceremony begins; the kissee is actually his fiancée’s sister, or cousin, or … well, given the rustic setting of the action, I think we can safely file her under the category of “kin.” None of this is really important for my main point, though, which is SWEET JESUS THOSE SOULLESS BLACK CHITINOUS EYES ARE STARING DEEP INTO MY VERY SOUL ARGH ARGH ARGH.

Curtis, 4/25/08

I’d like to give a nod to faithful reader commodorejohn, who predicted this plot development a week and a half ago; watch him break down the signs with admirable precision. I’d also like to point out that young Randy Wagstaff from season four of The Wire was depicted with a similar in-school candy-selling operation; later, his story ended (SPOILERS!) with fire-bombing and group homes and brutalization, so this Curtis bit should be good.