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Curtis, 11/17/06

You know, many once-great works of continuous narrative art reach a certain point where they, for reasons mysterious to us on the outside, feel a need to add an adorable character whom everyone hates. Though this is a move to keep things fresh, it ends up disgusting fans and ruining everything. So, for instance, the Flinstones had the Great Gazoo, and Scooby Doo had Scrappy Doo, and now Curtis has “Oogie.” Except that this is Curtis, so I’m not sure “ruined” is really the right word here.

Apartment 3-G, 11/17/06

Wow, Gina is the most socially inept person who’s ever managed to get out of high-school alive. The only thing I can think of is that she’s a serious method actor, and her character was just punched in the jaw before coming on-stage.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 11/17/06

You know, I like to think that I’m a pretty close reader of TDIET. In fact, I probably spend more mental energy parsing its panel every day than 99 percent of the people in this country. And yet I can’t tell you exactly what it means when the narration begins with the phrase “Living on the edge,” as it does fairly regularly. Nothing even remotely edgy happens in the panels that contain this phrase; it’s just the usual litany of insane, petty rants and human degradation. Today is a good example, though it might indicate that Ma and Pa are on “the edge” of death; they certainly have the stunned stares of a couple who are suddenly coming to grips with their own mortality. I gotta say that if my dad were sitting around inside with his eyeglasses up on his forehead, I’d be looking into homes, too.

Mark Trail, 11/17/06

“Man, if only we had some way to, I don’t know, explosively propel tiny metal projectiles into them, thus killing them! But where would we get such a thing? I guess we’re just going to have to tie them up to death.”

Family Circus, 11/17/08

“It’s a little channel I like to call ‘Ambien,’ and it’s on 24 hours a day, honey!”

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Apartment 3-G, 11/8/06

Panel two of today’s Apartment 3-G is a thrill for Margo lovers everywhere (which, I think it goes without saying, is ALL OF YOU, if you know what’s good for you). She’s moving in for the kill, and looks like she’s either going to ravage Eric Mills’ hapless assistant with red-hot Margo-style smooches or bite off her face. The girl’s facial expression, which is one of terror mingled with excitement, matches this dramatic ambiguity.

Margo’s near-victim bears a striking resemblance to Alan’s barely legal paramour from that infamous party. Did anyone leave that event not tangled up in this boring blue-suited billionaire’s life one way or another?

Margo’s lonely “Oh.” in panel three demonstrates a great use of word balloon punctuation and white space.

For Better Or For Worse, 11/8/06

I imagine a crisis meeting over at Foob Central: “Dammit, people, we’re getting murdered by Funky Winkerbean in the depressing realism department! We need to bring out the big guns!” How else to explain this harrowing plot twist, in which Grandpa Jim’s fully functioning mind is trapped in a shattered shell of a body, unable to communicate and prevent his unbearable and continuous humiliation? I’m going to imagine him remembering the morse code he learned in his days in the Royal Canadian Air Force, desperately tapping out “KILL ME” on his portable tray with a spoon, hoping that Iris will stop smothering him emotionally and start smothering him with a pillow, while Metallica’s “One” blares on the soundtrack.

FW is really going to have to raise its game here. Wally’s gonna have to accidentally blow up a busload of Iraqi orphans and puppies, then shoot himself, if they want to keep up.

Curtis, 11/8/06

I’d like to ignore the usual tomfoolery with Derrick and “Onion” (something that’s all too easy to do) and focus on Curtis’ alarming laughing fit in panel three. I wonder if the word balloon had been predrawn to accommodate some much longer bit of exposition, and the iterative, punctuationless laughter was stuck in there in a fit of horror vacui, or if we are really meant to understand that Curtis mechanically repeated the word “Ha” 25 times.

In a move that further undermines this pair’s fearsome reputation, “Onion” (or maybe it’s Derrick, I don’t know) appears to be taking fashion tips from Dennis the Menace’s Joey.

Mark Trail, 11/8/06

By having Ranger Rick utter the phrase “hold up,” Mark Trail has now successfully deployed more street lingo than Curtis has in its entire run. No, really, take a look at the Curtis strip above. The part where Curtis says, “Oh, I’ll be!”

Spider-Man, 11/8/06

“Or didja ever see Hitler having dinner with a Romulan?” Jesus, this strip is weird.

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Mary Worth, 10/12/06

Oh, come on now: You know you’ve all idly thought about faking your own death, if only to see how people would react at your funeral. I think if I were Aldo — whether I was looking down on this mortal coil from my new home on a fluffy white cloud, or very much alive and hiding in the bushes, chortling with glee — I would derive a great deal of satisfaction from the sudden case of the squirmies that has beset our fearsome foursome here. It’s all the more obvious and awkward for them, considering that they seem to make up half the funeral party.

Curtis, 10/12/06

Not that we should expect the average tweenager to have an elaborate life plan in place, but I’m somewhat disturbed by Curtis’ two potential scenarios for getting out of his parents’ tiny apartment: Either he can become economically independent and a contributing member of society, or he can … get married. Speaking as someone who married a homeowner, I say go down path number two, Curtis. It’s a lot easier.

Zippy the Pinhead, 10/12/06

You know, you can be irritated by a comic day after day, but then once in a while you’re reminded why you still read it. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard a put-down as succinct, forceful, and useful in any situation as “Clam up, noseface!” I intend to put it to good use in the not-so-distant future, believe you me.

Family Circus, 10/12/06

See, this is why I’d be such a lousy grandparent: My response would be, “I don’t know Dolly, is your song going to be any good?”