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Blondie, 4/3/24

Everyone makes fun of young people for being addicted to social media, but the truth is that old people are also addicted to social media. Which is fine! It’s designed to be addictive! But it’s an underexplored cultural phenomenon and honestly I’m glad that Blondie offers insight into that world. Today’s strip makes the misstep of putting Dagwood’s teen son Alexander front and center, though. Look, I too am constantly annoyed by the “reels” that Instagram and Facebook put into my feed. But I’m a 49 year old man! The teens today are not on Facebook and barely on Instagram. They’re being annoyed by new irritating features on some other site and/or app entirely, probably TikTok but also maybe something I haven’t even heard of yet. And why should I have? Whatever it is, it’s quite frankly none of my business.

Daddy Daze, 4/3/24

Oh, wow, big news: we all suspected the Daddy Daze baby was going to kill the Daddy Daze daddy one of these days, and now it’s finally happening! Not sure I would’ve guessed that he was going to do an elaborate pseudo-legal ritual beforehand, but you know what, that tracks.

Beetle Bailey, 4/3/24

Sure, I make fun of how newspaper comics are hidebound and traditional all the time, but some traditions I like, and one of them is that Beetle Bailey should never, ever know what “horny” feels like. That’s General Halftrack’s job! C’mon now.

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Mary Worth, 3/25/24

Big news, everybody. They did it. They dragged out the Keith storyline and then the Mary and Jeff go on a date transition for so long that here we are at the beginning of a Weston storyline and I’m ready to throw a celebratory party. Maybe it’s just the end of the suffering talking, but I’m actually pretty intrigued that we’re going to get some details on Dawn’s mom! Remember, at least in Wilbur’s feverish memory, she’s an icy Hitchockian blonde obsessed with advancing in high society:

Panel from Mary Worth, 8/4/22

You can check out this post for an in-depth dive into Wilbur’s early ’90s introduction in the strip, when he washed up on the shores of Charterstone as a refugee after being voted out of the house by both his ex and his daughter; but then Dawn discovered that sometimes those who implement a purge during a revolution find themselves similarly purged in a later phase, and she too landed in California. What’s been going on since? What terrible revelations does her mother have to tell her about Wilbur … or about herself? I for one am unreasonably excited to find out!

Gil Thorp, 3/25/24

One thing I don’t feel like I need to know about is Gil’s son’s elite hacking skills. That’s really none of my business and I think it would be very funny if this never gets any follow up, or at least none until the syndicate finally greenlights the Jami Thorp: Cybercriminal spin-off strip.

Alice, 3/25/24

Ahh, first Alice (I will be referring to this woman as “Alice” until proven wrong about it) had to shield her niece and nephews from the horror of alien invasion, and today she learns that she suffers from an awful affliction where she cannot retain memories of happy times, only suffering. Is this strip just a tale of nightmares that never cease?

Daddy Daze, 3/25/24

I like that the opening panel here assures us that the Daddy Daze daddy did indeed take a bite out of this pizza before giving it to his son. I mean, this man is clearly insane, creating an elaborate world where his pre-verbal infant communicates entirely in a series of “ba”s, so it’s totally possible that he lives in a decaying Grey Gardens-style home that is in fact infested with very large mice.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/25/24

Sure, I’ve griped some about this Rex Morgan storyline, but if it ends with this 99-year-old cowboy showing the Count his high-tech mechanical dick, I’m willing to forgive a lot.

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Pluggers and Gasoline Alley, 2/25/24

Old people! Do you enjoy the Sunday comics as one of your last pleasures in life? Well, the whimsical “funny pages” are here to remind you that as you age, you will be beset with endless aches and pains, so much so that you will begin to believe that even in your life on Earth, you are experiencing a taste of what the damned go through in Hell. But still, one must cling to this life, imperfect as it is, as it could be swept away from us at any moment and then — nothingness, no more pain but also no more frosting. Something to think about!

Daddy Daze, 2/25/24

And don’t get too smug, young people! The time when your young body begins to fall apart is coming! And sooner than you think.