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Funky Winkerbean, 2/9/20

I have barely been able work up the energy to try to follow the emotional contours of this week’s Funky Winkerbean, which involve this rich art patron lady teasing the various artists over at Atomic Comix with the prospect of a windfall payday for their mediocre drawings, but … are Darrin and Jessica in financial trouble? Like, are they so hard up for cash that Darrin needs to desperately draw through lunch so that this patroness can ensure that they aren’t turned out of their home by the bank? Because I’ve given it some thought and that’s the sort of Funkyverse misery I’d enjoy reading about, actually.

Daddy Daze, 2/9/20

I’m slowly coming to understand the world of Daddy Daze. For instance, it’s totally unsurprising to see the Daddy Daze baby crawling around on the floor and just eating garbage that’s been lying there for who knows how long. That absolutely tracks. The question I have is: does the Daddy Daze daddy’s house have any furniture in it? Like, at all?

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Hagar the Horrible, 2/2/20

This should get some kind of award for the comic most changed when the top row of throwaway panels, which don’t appear in some layouts, are removed. Without them, this is a sweet comic about Hagar making a fake treasure map as part of a grand gesture to tell his Helga and his kids and pets how much he cares about them. With them, it’s the story of two bloodthirsty pirates who were planning on using their map to track a vicious Viking chieftain back to his home and murder him and his entire family.

Daddy Daze, 2/2/20

Lady, I can assure you that this preverbal infant did not come up with this elaborate plan to spread happiness to strangers. This weird dude is trying to lure you into something and you should run, not walk, away from it.

Crankshaft, 2/2/20

OK, fine, I guess Crankshaft didn’t die after all. But at least we can console ourselves with the fact that, based on this, he’s almost certainly dying, right?

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Daddy Daze, 1/30/20

So this week I’ve decided to add some new strips to my rotation, and one of them is Daddy Daze, billed by King Features as being about “Paul, the single dad who amicably shares custody of little Angus with ex-wife Amy, as he juggles an at-home job and domestic duties.” Admittedly I’ve only been reading it for a week or so, but it seems to be more about “Paul, a single dad imprisoned in some featureless void with only a preverbal infant for company, eventually driven to madness by his loneliness and inventing increasingly deranged and nightmarish imagery out of his son’s babbling.” It’s real grim stuff.

Judge Parker, 1/30/20

So one of the ongoing Judge Parker plots is that Sophie, still suffering PTSD after her kidnapping, is, much to Abbey’s consternation, hesitant to apply to college because really, why bother, why should we act like any of us have a future, anyway? But it seems she’s now discovered a way to add meaning in her life at least in the short term, by helping her family friend and actual criminal Judge Parker Emeritus get elected mayor. Sophie’s political views are somewhat eclectic, ranging from “climate change is bad” to “any self-respecting polity ought to have a fleet of secret flying death robots to wreak havoc on its enemies,” so she should do great with Future Mayor Parker’s campaign, which mostly seems based on the idea that “Uh hey guys I went to jail for a while and it turns out jail sucks.”

The Lockhorns, 1/30/20

Have I ever liked Leroy Lockhorn? No, of course not. He is, inherently, not a likable character. But do I want to see him hurled to his death off the roof of whatever depressing suburban office building he works in? No. That’s too much. It’s too much!