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Dick Tracy, 4/14/20

Hey, folks, remember like two Dick Tracy storylines ago, when sexy part-alien Mysta Chimera was held captive by the sinister Mister Roboto? Well, if you liked that, you’ll enjoy the current short-run “Minit Mystery,” in which the sexy part-alien Mysta Chimera is held captive by the sinister … well, they haven’t been identified, but they were apparently her partner back in her first story, when she was genetically engineered to believe she was erstwhile Dick Tracy daughter-in-law Moon Maid but that all turned out to be a big fake and she was just a gangster’s daughter who won a lookalike contest and then her body and mind were horribly altered with alien DNA as part of a scheme to steal Diet Smith’s Space Coupe. Anyhoo, I mostly bring this up because Mysta getting tied up clearly seems to be somebody’s “thing,” which is neither here nor there, but the addition of nightmarish blowtorch torture puts this right in classic Dick Tracy territory.

Daddy Daze, 4/14/20

Oh, this actually explains a lot about Angus, the precocious, seemingly super-powered Daddy Daze baby! He’s not a “baby” so much as a genetic experiment that aims to create something greater and more powerful than an everyday human, and his “parents” are actually the major shareholders in the mysterious corporation seeking to profit from this forbidden science. Once Angus gets to high school and his powers become manifest, they will get all the blame, in the sense that they’ll be tried for crimes against humanity.

Mary Worth, 4/14/20

Hahaha this is amazing. “Oh shit,” thinks Dawn, “I thought I was in love with Jared, but I forgot that Hugh was incredibly hot. What the fuck was I thinking?”

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Six Chix, 4/3/20

I suppose the “joke” in today’s Six Chix is that dentists love to ask deep, philosophical questions that require a lot of talking in response while they have their hands and a bunch of dental implements in your mouth, amiright folks? Amiright? But because this panel features only the basics of a dental facility surrounded by a blank, featureless void, I’m enjoying myself by thinking of this as a depiction of someone’s specific hell. “So what do you think happens when we die?” asks the dentist-demon. “Do you think it’s a real showy stereotypical fire-and-brimstone thing? Or do you think it’s something maybe less painful, but something we know, something we hate and fear, and we experience it forever? Probably the second one, right? Let’s get the tartar off that top gum line again.”

Daddy Daze, 4/3/20

So it seems that Coffee Goth is in fact Daddy Daze Daddy’s pal and a recurring character in this strip. The fact that the two of them are bellied up to a coffee shop counter rather than a bar honestly makes me realize how many male comic strip characters’ social lives revolve around going to a bar on a regular basis to commiserate with other regulars, which seems a little dated to me. But Daddy Daze Daddy isn’t like that! He’s not some sad drunk! He’s a much more modern archetype: a sad coffee guy! That’s a totally different and much more enlightened texture of sadness!

Mark Trail, 4/3/20

“But now you’re also going out into the woods with me in the middle of the night! That seems like a bad idea! But I still trust you! I’m not really very smart!”

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Daddy Daze, 3/10/20

Ah, yes, what you’ve all been wondering about the Daddy Daze Daddy ever since I started covering this strip: since he lives in a weird insular world inhabited by only him and a preverbal infant onto whom he projects various insane motivations, what does he do when his ex-wife, with whom he shares custody, has the baby? Well, apparently he goes down to his local coffee shop and mopes with a local goth (?) who he’s friends with, or maybe it’s just some guy he sat down next to and started talking to, who can tell, really.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/10/20

“Could she be making a hasty choice that she’ll come to regret? That’s very possible, but I can’t emphasize enough that once she walks out the door, that will be very, very much cease to be my problem.”

Family Circus, 3/10/20

Hey, remember last week when Billy realized that his mom might capable of inspiring erotic thoughts? Weird how he’s been spending this week imagining various over-the-top ways his father could die. Probably a coincidence!

Judge Parker, 3/10/20

Oh God, has Toni become a blogger? Who knew she could stoop so low?