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Dennis the Menace, 10/21/18

But you couldn’t even follow through with that, could you, Mr. Wilson? You couldn’t just let him get bored and wander off. You had to argue with him from a second story window, at great length. You’re entirely complicit in this thoroughly dysfunctional relationship, sir.

Six Chix, 10/21/18

Six Chix is continuing on with its anti-bullying crusade, but I don’t think today’s lesson — “if you’re being bullied, console yourself with the thought that you’re too disgusting to be killed and eaten the way your delicious tormenters inevitably will be” — is really in the spirit of Unity Day.

Spider-Man, 10/21/18

Man, I know I make fun of Spider-Man’s general uselessness on this blog a lot, but it’s kind of shocking that it’s now explicit canon that you too can be as super-powered as he is, just by working out with Steve down at LA Fitness a couple times a week.

Panel from The Lockhorns, 10/21/18

Look at Leroy and Loretta’s expressions here. Do they look like people engaging in a little light banter? Nope. Leroy definitely tried to fuck those pies, right there in the frozen food aisle.

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Six Chix, 10/16/18

I’m not, like, an expert on the physics of golf or anything, but … the way you’d sort of expect this to go, based on her description, is that she’d hit the ball and it would land on the green and hit and kill a bird on its way down, right? So the bird would be also on the green, hundreds of yards away. Not just dead right in front of her. I mean, if she hit the ball into a bird right off the tee, there’s no way it could have travelled so far away as we see here. So I’m guessing she just, like, killed the bird with her club. And then said this dialogue in a flat, affectless voice while she looked down at its corpse. You notice how she’s golfing alone? There’s a reason she’s golfing alone.

Dennis the Menace, 10/16/18

Ha ha, it’s funny because it doesn’t. Henry is infested with vermin!

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Family Circus, 10/14/18

Maybe it’s the “vest,” but I’m pretty much imagining all of these being said in a faux Eastern European accent, aka “the Dracula,” and having said that now I’m imagining a version of Dracula where instead of decamping from Transylvania to Victorian London, he heads to the American Old West instead? Excuse me, the “Old Vest.” And then he, like, drinks the blood of a bunch of cowboys and so on. Their exsanguinated corpses end up in the “symmetry,” ah ha ha! (That laughter should be imagined in the voice of Bela Lugosi as Dracula, or, if we’re being real, the Muppets’ Count Von Count.) It’s very sad to me that Billy (age 7) will make millions from this idea and not me, but I’m nothing if not scrupulous about intellectual property laws.

Dennis the Menace, 10/14/18

Henry is just joking wryly in the throwaway panel, but what if he weren’t? What if a whole series of babysitters, despite being paid good money to care for a child, and despite child abandonment being a literal crime, had just left Dennis to his own devices, fleeing into the night, never to be seen again? Just dozens of them being hauled into court on child endangerment charges, shouting “IT WAS WORTH IT, NO JURY WILL CONVICT ME, I HAVE PICTURES.”