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Mark Trail, 11/29/17

Oh my God, it was just yesterday when it seemed like the tornado bank robber storyline had at least until Friday before it limped to its conclusion, but then today, mid-week, BAM, we’re suddenly re-introduced to Chris “Dirty” Dyer, a rhino poacher who died as a result of Mark’s rhino-poaching-busting actions, but then later wasn’t dead at all and in fact planned to come home to America after years living in Africa for the purposes of “sport”, which we all assumed was a euphemism for “hunting and killing Mark Trail, his sworn enemy.” That last linked strip was way back in February and we hadn’t heard from him since, so it’s a true Christmas miracle to see him pop up here in glamorous Miami, thousands of miles away from where Mark is busy foiling the dumbest bank robbery/hostage scheme known to man. I’m very excited for The Hunt to finally begin, but I have to admit that it’d be pretty funny if every eight or nine months or so we just got a day or two of Dirty’s largely uneventful life after his return to the States. Today, for instance, he’s briefly mildly surprised after spotting a newspaper box, since all the US media he read online during his life as an expat in Africa led him to believe that print was dead.

Dennis the Menace, 11/29/17

We get all sorts of menacing in this strip, from the subtle to the overt, but Dennis cheerfully offering to rearrange some poor woman’s face with a rake crosses the line into an outright threat.

Pluggers, 11/29/17

I guess the way I know I’m a coastal elitist and not a plugger is that I have my cat on a pretty strict mealtime schedule and whenever I eat a snack and she’s looking at me accusingly, instead of feeding her I defensively yell “I’M A HUMAN … A HUMAN” through a mouthful of Cheez-Its.

Blondie, 11/29/17

WELCOME TO YOUR NIGHTMARES EVERYBODY

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Mary Worth, 11/26/17

This is typical wrap-up Sunday Mary Worth with no plot forward motion, but I have to admit to being intrigued by the quote-of-the-week, putting a phrase that probably millions of humans have uttered into the mouth of former British Prime Minister John Major, who probably said it at some point. Does this presage future plot points? Will Wilbur return to Santa Royale and discover that Mary Worth, the “Iron Lady of Charterstone,” is becoming less and less popular, and manage to maneuver things so that he becomes condo association head (surprise!) despite having publicly backed Mary throughout the whole process?

Gasoline Alley, 11/26/17

I think there’s a lot to say about how Thanksgiving, which once represented an occasion to thank God for bountiful harvests in an era when nationwide food scarcity was an ever-present threat, slowly became an orgiastic, gluttonous rite as we moved into a less religious age of mechanized agriculture and endless food surpluses, and that shift is reflected in our iconography of the holiday. But until I get around to writing it, just enjoy today’s grotesque celebration of the season, in which armed turkeys intend to murder Slim and feast on his flesh and organs.

Dennis the Menace, 11/26/17

Sure, this is a trip about how much Dennis can’t wait to drink and party like a grown-up, but definitely the most menacing part is how the boldface in the final panel indicates that Henry is 100% stage whispering, clearly intending to let Dennis know that in his opinion the birth of a child is the death of fun.

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Here’s something genuinely nice the comics are doing on Thanksgiving: auctioning off original comic strips to benefit those affected by this year’s brutal hurricane season. You know it’s legit because it’s being run by Heritage Auctions, who recently did a similar auction to benefit Lisa’s Legacy Fund! Anyway, what artistic gems from today’s funny pages can you bid on?

Beetle Bailey, 11/23/17

Well, you can help those suffering from want by purchasing a strip reminding you that some people have such a surfeit of resources that they’re literally drowning each other in food out of spite.

Dennis the Menace, 11/23/17

Or you can remind them that, as bad as things get, they don’t live in a world of mingled ignorance and anxiety that has them convinced that they’re about to eat a beloved icon from their childhood!

Blondie, 11/23/17

If you really want to take their minds off their troubles, celebrate their perseverance with this image of Dagwood as a nightmarish three-headed sleep-Cerberus, in a surrealistic image that only draws further attention to his weird neck situation by tripling his number of necks.

Mary Worth, 11/23/17

You know what no amount of tax-deductible charitable donations can buy, though? This amazing work of art, apparently, in which Wilbur screams, silently, but with his mouth gaping open, at … something in Pedro’s oficina. What could it be? Is it Fabiana and her “cousin” Pedro locked in a passionate embrace? Is it Fabiana and her “cousin” Pedro monitoring the eBay auctions they’ve set up for the emerald ring Wilbur bought Fabiana and also Wilbur’s kidneys? Is it a huge motivational poster announcing that “WE’RE SALSA DANCERS, NOT MAYONNAISE DANCERS: NO SANDWICHES ALLOWED ON PREMISES”? Tune in tomorrow to find out!