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Dennis the Menace, 11/27/16

OK, yes, fine, we all know that the real menace here is comparing your restricted grown-up life to your carefree youth and blaming your partner rather than the realities and responsibilities of adulthood. But mostly I enjoy the depiction of Teen Henry Mitchell in panel three. He looks exactly like Adult Henry Mitchell, only wearing a hat.

Mary Worth, 11/27/16

OH MY GOD

THIS MARY WORTH STORYLINE IS REALLY GOING FOR IT

YOU KNOW, SEXUALLY

“IF YOU DON’T FLIRT, YOU’RE PROBABLY DEAD INSIDE” SAYS EPIGRAPH TO BORING OLD SOAP OPERA STRIP

“ABSOLUTELY CAST A WIDE NET AND EAGERLY SEEK OUT NEW SEXUAL PARTNERS” URGES MARY WORTH

THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING

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Mary Worth, 11/25/16

Wow, too bad Mary Worth chose the Friday after Thanksgiving, traditionally a day of extremely low readership, for this extremely sexy strip where we finally have confirmed that Zak is standard-college-student age and also on the prowl for fortysomething babes. Look at that line he just laid down here! Like, just moments ago he had to have it explained to him what an iris was and already he’s busting out “oh, late blooming flowers are definitely the ones I want to fuck the most.” I’m kidding, of course, what he actually said was “Late blooming flowers are just as beautiful… if not more so!”, which, just as beautiful as what, Zak? You might think your sentence is more “respectful” than mine, but mine at least respects the rules of English syntax.

Six Chix, 11/25/16

Yeah, man, I don’t even know what to say about this one. Like, is this supposed to be the thing from old Warner Brothers cartoons where a very hungry person hallucinates that his friend’s head has become a rotisserie chicken or whatever? So the cow on the left is very hungry? And also a cannibal? I guess?

Dennis the Menace, 11/25/16

By emphasizing his parents’ marital relationship to one another, Dennis is trying to be a menace by derailing the three-way they have planned with this woman. But the joke’s on him! She’s a highly sought after call girl who knows exactly what she’s getting into. The prim-and-proper outfit, along with a certain amount of feigned reluctance, is just part of the specific fantasy scenario the Mitchells submitted via her web site.

Family Circus, 11/25/16

“There’s never any daytime left over after dinner! Instead the flow of time abruptly stops and the universe outside is replaced by an infinite, featureless blackness. It stinks!”

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Dennis the Menace, 11/18/16

There are few things more menacing in this world than basically saying “Enh, what if our son is just stupid?” right in front of him at dinner! It’s a really nice touch for Dennis to be staring dumbly up at his dad while he says it, letting a big strand of drool dribble down his lips, as if to play it up, make them feel bad for not underestimating or overestimating him, but for estimating him exactly right.

The Lockhorns, 11/18/16

Not sure why I found this Pokémon reference so much funnier than yesterday’s in Beetle Bailey. I guess it’s because I blame Beetle Bailey being extremely late to the joke on the Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC staff, whereas here I think it’s supposed to be Leroy himself behind on the times. “Uh, Loretta, uh, I’m here at this bar drunk on a weekday and I didn’t tell you where I was because of [rummages around brain, stumbles upon a thing he heard about on TV once] the Pokemon game.” (Please imagine this dialogue being read in an affectless monotone for maximum effect.)