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Mark Trail, 6/13/16

Our long national cave-nightmare may finally be over: Mark, Gabe, and Carina have found what appears to be an underwater passage out, and Mark is going to attempt to swim to daylight, and then come back, somehow. If he doesn’t come back, well, he can’t tell them what choices to make. Should they draw straws to see who gets eaten during the inevitable turn to cannibalism? Should they live in the cave forever, eventually breeding a race of blind, cave-adapted mole-people? Mark is not here to judge. Mark knows they have to do what’s right for them, alone in that cave.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/13/16

Well, it seems that this was a way for the cast and crew of the current Starbuck Jones reboot to assemble all the old men who used to be fanboys back in the day, to attempt to cheer up bitter old former Starbuck Jones actor Cliff Anger (and also presumably build positive media buzz and word of mouth for said reboot among said fanboys). Cliff was briefly thrilled, but it’s good to see that when faced with actual people who enjoyed his work, he’s retreating back into heavy-lidded contempt.

Dennis the Menace, 6/13/16

How much do I love the expression on Henry’s face here? “That’s … that’s what you’ve got? That’s the most menacing thing you have to say to me this morning? Christ, it’s gonna be a long week.”

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Beetle Bailey, 6/2/16

I guess the point of the first panel is that it Beetle needs to get this aphorism from somewhere outside himself, because otherwise why hasn’t he been putting it to use in his own life before? But where could he have heard it, I wonder? If anyone involved in the creation of Beetle Bailey had ever used a computer, maybe Beetle would be browsing a Facebook group called Extremely Insipid Memes That Are Affiliated With A Radio Station For Reasons That Are Not Entirely Clear, but as it is, we’ve just got to go with the next-best idea: he got it from a four-page pamphlet with nothing on the cover. Makes sense!

Judge Parker, 6/2/16

Haha, yes, Abbey, your daughter’s dream of rock stardom are silly and should be quickly discarded! Now let’s continue helping your husband put endless identical law books that he’ll never look at up on the shelf of his new pretend office that still reeks of horse shit.

Dennis the Menace, 6/2/16

The Mitchells are a typical American family, and today’s Dennis the Menace offers a glimpse at what’s inside the typical American refrigerator: glass bottles of various sizes containing orange liquid, a carton of eggs (?), and an entire uncovered bone-in ham.

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Dennis the Menace, 5/29/16

Ha ha, yes, it’s funny because even the most loving relationships degenerate into a living hell of passive-aggressive nagging if given enough time, but what I really want to know is: why is Dennis going on a road trip with the Wilsons? Notice how their journey is taking them from the city to the countryside. Maybe the reason they aren’t using a GPS is because none of the digital mapping services know where The Burying Place is. That’s the sort of lore that only gets passed down by word of mouth.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 5/29/16

Hey, kids! Somewhere, miles off, in a town not depicted in this comic strip, an awesome killer robot is just blowing stuff up nonstop! Probably with lasers and missiles and explosions and stuff! Meanwhile, in this panel, math is happening.