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Dennis the Menace, 3/12/15

“With him, you never know! I mean, he’d smash a potato, probably! That’s pretty menacing! And why is he eating an actual meal here, instead of just mooching off our cookies or whatever? What’s happening? What time of day is it? Who am I? What’s going on?”

Family Circus, 3/12/15

“You don’t understand,” Mommy Keane told the stern representatives of Child Protective Services. “They said they were grown up! They said they were ready to leave the house. It would’ve been bad parenting to not change the locks!”

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Marvin, 3/8/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because Marvin holds his grandmother and her affection for him in contempt, but pretends he loves her because he wants cookies! You know what, maybe go back to the poop jokes, they’re less grim.

Dennis the Menace, 3/8/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dennis almost got this baby killed! The real menace is whoever just dropped this toddler off at the Mitchells’ house and then took off into the night, along with Dennis’s parents.

Crankshaft, 3/8/15

This is the kind of Daylight Savings Crankshaft enjoys! The other kind, the kind that the U.N. cooked up to weaken American vitality and sap our precious bodily fluids — that kind he’s not a big fan of.

Hagar the Horrible, 3/8/15

Ha ha, environmentalists, amiright? Always trying to save nature, despite the fact that nature is evil and must be destroyed!

Panel from the Lockorns, 3/8/15

If there’s one thing Leroy has learned from his many years on this Earth, it’s that life is terrible and death is preferable in every way.

Panels from Judge Parker, 3/8/15

Are you guys ready for the Erotic Education of Neddy Spencer? Because it’s definitely happening.

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Six Chix, 3/7/15

“Hey man, what if, like, what we think of as ‘God’ is really just a much more powerful being who watches over us the way we watch over animals? ‘The Lord is my shephard,’ right? But, get this, what if, like, God wants something from us, man? What if, like, He’s harvesting something from us, and we don’t even know it, just like those poor chickens don’t know what we’re doing with the eggs, man.”

[takes a huge bong hit]

[is a sophomore in college]

Dennis the Menace, 3/7/15

Dennis, meanwhile, is here to liberate these chickens. Few things are more menacing than revolution.

Mark Trail, 3/7/15

Oh snap, Mark Trail will see your “let’s foster an orphaned deer” and raise you a “let’s foster an orphaned moose”! Do not try to muscle in on Mark Trail’s insane animal storylines, capisce?