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Dennis the Menace and Hagar the Horrible, 8/5/24

Ha ha, bagpipes, amiright folks? It’s, uh, it’s honestly pretty slim pickings in the comics today so that’s what I got. I was thinking recently (ok, fine, it was when I was watching the incredible Weird Al biopic Weird) that accordions get a bad rap, like for decades they were the butt of jokes and the epitome of dorky music when in fact accordion music can be really cool and interesting! Am I willing to go out on a limb and say the same about bagpipes? Maybe not, they are pretty screechy and annoying if not done right, but they can be good too sometimes, I dunno. Anyway, mostly I’m interested in geography here, with Hagar the Horrible accurately depicting the Scots as one of the primary victims of Viking depredation and inaccurately depicting the bagpipes as sonic weapons, and Dennis the Menace depicting the cute little historic downtown of Dennis’s suburb (?) where fun civic events like the Bagpipes Festival happen, or maybe that’s just Margaret’s uncle wandering around imposing his musical and sartorial tastes on everyone without their consent, who can say.

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Blondie, 8/2/24

It’s always been very clear that Blondie takes place in one of the most whitebread towns imaginable, but I still think it’s pretty funny that (a) Lou knew that three years ago there would’ve been riots if he had tried to do anything with a Japanese theme so he just stuck to Olympic generics and (b) he also knew that even his “French” menu items had to actually just be American foods with “French” in the name, again, because of the riots. France! The country that loves meat and bread! The country that deep fries a ham sandwich and puts an egg on it! Once I was in Paris and I ordered something from the menu that that to my jet-lagged high-school-French-educated mind sounded good but I couldn’t quite figure out what it was and it turned out to be a plate of prosciutto with a stick of butter on it! And it was amazing! I think Dagwood, of all people, could handle it! Instead here he is, holding up an Olympic 10 scorecard that he presumably wrestled away from someone in his carpool because he’s not being offered anything “weird.” This is, in fact, profoundly sad.

Dennis the Menace, 8/2/24

I guess it’s not as sad as Mr. Wilson taking his Dennis Mitchell Derangement Syndrome everywhere he goes. George, this man has no idea who or what you’re talking about! He sees 20 patients a day and doesn’t remember who you are, he’s just reading something he scribbled last year on your chart! You’re embarrassing yourself!

Gasoline Alley, 8/2/24

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on Gasoline Alley but there was a little mishap involving Walt and the Frank Nelson tree cutter guy, where one thing led to another but it all worked out in the end and he got $500 knocked off his bill for his trouble, which means that he’s now able to do a little light insurance fraud, aided by the Almighty Himself.

Judge Parker, 8/2/24

“Ah shit! Once I realized that wasn’t my dad’s corpse in the water, I figured this was going to be some dark psychological trauma plotline and I didn’t have to tell anyone about it! I forgot that all middle aged men in this strip look pretty much exactly the same! Ah shit!”

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Mary Worth, 7/28/24

Real talk: my initial thought reading the throwaway panels was “Ha ha, Wilbur wet the bed!” But no, actually, he finally achieved emotional closure about his dead fish because he had a dream where the fish called him (or his fishy dream avatar) “dad” and swam away with his friends into the fish afterlife, and then he woke up crying, which is substantially less dignified than wetting the bed.

Dennis the Menace, 7/28/24

You ever wonder what Henry and Alice talk about when they have the house to themselves, presumably because Dennis is next door making Mr. Wilson’s life miserable? Well, apparently they reflect on past Dennis menacing incidents, including ones so traumatizing that just the memory of them makes Alice feel a need to go lie down, so I have to admit my respect for his menacing game just went up exponentially.

Blondie, 7/28/24

If I walked into my barbershop and found a barber lounging casually in the chair, and he looked me right in the eye and said “Showtime!”, I would assume that I would soon be on the floor bleeding out from numerous wounds inflicted by a straight razor. Dagwood absolutely should be thankful that all he endured was some sub-par conversation!