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Dennis the Menace, 2/22/10

You know, for a long time I’ve wondered why exactly Mrs. Wilson constantly encourages Dennis to come over and raise extremely mild hell at her house, when her husband obviously loathes him. I’d always just chalked it up to a difference in opinion combined with an absence of solicitousness one might expect from a longstanding and not particularly passionate marriage; if there were any grimmer undertones, they might involve the children that the maternal Mrs. Wilson seems to have always wanted but that Mr. Wilson was unwilling (or unable?) to have with her.

But today’s strip casts an even darker pall over the marital dynamic. Mrs. Wilson fills Dennis with trash talk about Mr. Wilson’s mental state; far from worrying that the filterless little moron will run off and repeat it at the first opportunity, she actually waits just around the corner to make sure that he does, tittering to herself at her husband’s discomfiture. Mr. Wilson’s trademark creepy single bead of sweat is the payoff; she knows that one of these days, Dennis will push him over the edge and he’ll die of a massive rage stroke, and then it’s off to Boca with his Post Office pension.

Mark Trail, 2/22/10

Mark Trail is an action-based continuity strip, but the sad fact is that some kinds of action translate better to comic strip form than others. Punching, for instance, seems to work out pretty well! But a thrilling canoe ride through rushing rapids: not so much, apparently. “To get their friend to a hospital as quickly as possible, Mark and Ben Harris run the dangerous rapids at Devil’s Pass. Aaaaannnnd … they’ve successfully gotten through the rough spots, after just a panel! Boy, that was a close one. Uh, here, enjoy this close-up on a magnificent raptor, won’t you?”

Spider-Man, 2/22/10

Sometimes he forgets that it’s on, sometimes he forgets that it’s off. Is Peter Parker just physically incapable of telling whether or not he has on his costume under his clothes unless he actually unbuttons his shirt and looks at his torso? Perhaps this is a result of the spider-bite-induced changes that caused his sensitive nipples to wither and fall off.

Mary Worth, 2/22/10

“Now that cold, heartless medical science has proven that the son I loved so much is a fraud, I’m going to end it all by downing a big glass of cleaning solvent! Care to join me in the sweet release of death?”

Marmaduke, 2/22/10

“You don’t understand! He … he hungers! Please, your Dark Majesty, I’m digging as quickly as I can! No … nooooooo….“

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Hi and Lois, 2/16/10

Maybe it’s because I’m not in charge of a tiny human who will be pooping in his or her pants for the next couple of years, but there’s something I find fairly unpleasant about seeing a little baby thought-ballooning “A bathtub is bigger than a toilet!” I mean, yes, it’s possible that we’re just seeing the development of Trixie’s basic understanding of how objects can be related to each other in terms of size, but something about her cheerfulness, combined with her well-known diaper problems, just screams “that bathtub is full of poop!” to me.

Also worthy of note is the fact that the Flagstons, like the Bumsteads, have an anachronistic bathtub that is totally lacking in shower facilities of any kind. I suppose this means it’s only used for the kids, so, you know, crap in it all you want, I guess.

Dennis the Menace, 2/16/10

It appears that Dennis is slowly, slowly inching his way towards modernity. For instance, instead of wearing red overalls and a blue and black striped shirt as his only outfit, he’s now added red pants and a blue and black striped shirt to his wardrobe selections. And instead of hitting baseballs through Mr. Wilson’s window or harassing Margaret with frogs, he’s staring at his doctor with dead, soulless eyes and ordering her to inject herself with God knows what.

Family Circus, 2/16/10

I like Dolly’s shifty eyes in this panel. “The fool! Doesn’t he know that they’re always watching, and judging? ALWAYS WATCHING. ALWAYS JUDGING. Mustn’t let on that I know … musn’t let on…”

Luann, 2/16/10

You’ll notice that Mr. Fogarty doesn’t even bother asking Luann if she can sew. He’s had her in his class for years, so he’s well aware that she has no useful skills of any kind.

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Beetle Bailey, 2/4/10

OK, I’ll admit it: today’s unspeakably perverse Beetle Bailey, in which Sarge’s leering sex maniac of a dog takes him to some kind of canine fetish club, made me laugh. (I’m assuming the “fire plug dancing” bit means that their target audience is into watersports.) I think what makes this strip for me is Sarge’s look of wide-eyed innocence giving way to growing shock in the second panel. So many things he will learn tonight, about dogs and what they like to smell and/or pee on!

Gil Thorp, 2/4/10

I was going to make some sort of snide comment about how every sentence in panels two and three could be construed as a double entendre, but then I caught site of Gil’s sweater vest, and now can think about nothing but said sweater vest. Do you think it’s in Mudlark team colors? That would be ever so keen!

Mary Worth, 2/4/10

“It must be the same guy! Such an unusual name, after all!”

Dawn better keep track of her father while she thought-balloons, as Wilbur has snuck away to hunch over his computer in the background and go all crazy social-networking style. Watch out, Dawn! Maybe he’ll discover that daughter he always wanted!

Dennis the Menace, 2/4/10

Too bad you won’t be alive to see it, old man! Maybe Dennis’ll bring the little tykes over to dance on your grave!