Archive: Dennis the Menace

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The Phantom, 5/17/25

One of the key ongoing dramas of The Phantom is the question of what woman will contribute her genetic material to the ongoing Phantom bloodline by allowing Kit to sire the 24th Phantom on her, and so far the main competitors have been Kit’s local sweetheart in Tibet or his mother and sister’s choice, Kadia Sahara, the daughter of former Phantom archnemesis The Nomad. But … is there another? Savarna, of course, has mostly been interested in Kit’s dad, having flirted with him when he thought his wife was dead and proposed a superstar teamup that the Ghost Who Has Morals rejected because she’s violent and kind of insane. As a result, it seems that flirtation has cooled — sure, rescuing her from Gravelines Prison was the inciting incident behind the years-long “Death of the Phantom” arc, but that was a purely platonic jailbreak. Anyway, apparently somewhere along the line that I forgot about she met Kit back at the Skull Cave, and like many a young man, he fell under the spell of a worldly, sophisticated older woman. Like, look at her: she’s using a napkin! Ooh la la, fancy lady!

Gil Thorp, 5/17/15

There’s been some spring sports action in Gil Thorp over the past couple weeks that quite frankly has not risen to a level of “interesting” that would get me to comment on it. But Coach Martinez attempting to summon the ghost of Pop(s) right there in the athletic department storage room specifically to prove a point to Gil, to the obvious amusement of the other assistant coaches? You’d better believe I’m ready for multiple weeks of this.

Dennis the Menace, 5/17/25

Henry, wearing that checkered suit jacket/bow tie combo in public anywhere of course marks you as a true fashion moron. But specifically wearing it to a restaurant’s clearly labelled Western night? You dipshit. You absolute fool.

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Dick Tracy, 5/16/25

The current Dick Tracy story wrapped up with our criminals fleeing from the cops and in the process conveniently getting into a terrible car accident that killed our beloved dipshit nephews and their comically cursing aunt. I guess all’s well that ends well, and by “ends well” we mean “ends with three corpses in the very morgue where, for reasons that have still not been adequately explained, this caper began.” By the way, do the dimensions on those corpses seem off to you? Like they’re unusually tall, right? Not sure I want to know what exactly happened in that car accident.

Dennis the Menace, 5/16/25

Wow, look at how angrily Mr. Wilson is sucking on that spoon in the background there, trying to get every particle and calorie that’s been permitted to him. He’s very hungry! He’s an old man, please just let him eat what he wants!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/16/25

Oh, so you think Rex Morgan, M.D., storylines are “boring” and “pointless” and “nothing ever exciting happens in them, why is this even in the newspaper?” Well, have you considered that if they were exciting, it would be very scary for the characters? Would you want to live in an exciting storyline? I didn’t think so!

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Dennis the Menace, 5/4/25

OK, obviously I was going to object that “Sunday school was awesome today!” is possibly the least menacing thing Dennis has ever said, but then I got to the big reveal of what he learned about: the pre-existence of souls, which was very explicitly anathematized by the Second Council of Constantinople in AD 553. Last I dwelled on the question, I had decided that the Mitchells were high church Episcopalians, but apparently they’ve since fallen in with some kind of Origenist cult.

Hi and Lois, 5/4/25

Not sure if some diktat has gone out to the comics to do jokes about how fun it is to read the comics in the newspaper, as God intended, but I feel like today’s entry has been undermined by Chip’s legitimately exasperated attitude. You’re making a disaster of the fridge, Hi! It’s embarrassing when he brings girls over! Why not just add your favorites to your bookmarks on Comics Kingdom dot com, like a reasonable person?

Crankshaft, 5/4/25

Ha ha! Get it? April showers … bring May flowers? Get it???? Anyway, I hope these guys recognize Crankshaft’s many sins and choose to punish him with exile from the colony, or perhaps even hanging.