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Apartment 3-G, 12/6/07

Oh, Margo! A single cutting remark from you sends my heart a-flutter more than any dopey six-week lead-up to Tommie getting to first base! And I’ve never loved you more than I do in today’s first panel. “Looking out for each other? Being loving and supportive in a family environment? That frankly strikes me as a lot of hassle. That’s why I alienate everyone who ever tries to love me — less work!” By panel three, Margo has adopted an expression of palpable scheming that’s equally hilarious. Many (including myself) have speculated that Margo will make Ruby her mule in her party-planning or art-displaying sweatshops, but now I think that our gal Magee is planning yet another career in the high-flying Manhattan service industry: she-pimp! “So, if Ruby was so happy to show affection to her family … for free … surely she’ll have no problem with showing affection … to strangers … for money!”

(Yes, I know that the English language already has in “madame” a perfectly serviceable word for a female who manages prostitutes. But I think the word “pimp” implies a certain callousness and propensity for violence that better suits Margo.)

Mary Worth, 12/6/07

Oh, Dr. Jeff, will you ever learn? You just got a response out of Mary that would allow you to extract some shred of dignity out of this conversation. Don’t push it. For the love of God, don’t push it. Mary’s comically exaggerated head-tilted finger-to-the-jawline contemplation pose is only going to end with her saying something blistering and humiliating.

For Better Or For Worse, 12/6/07

I actually kind of like Anthony’s “Are you going home?” question, because it implies that maybe, somehow, I know this is crazy, but just possibly two FBOFW characters who aren’t married and who aren’t terrible, awful whores might have sex! Oh, who am I kidding, they were just going to sit on the couch and chastely smooch on the lips. And those lips would be closed. And little Francie acted as an agent of a vengeful, pleasure-hating God of Foob and prevented even that. But it’s Anthony and Elizabeth and I don’t want anything good to happen to them anyway so I don’t really care.

Dennis the Menace, 12/6/07

So, wait, Margaret has a book lying around that’s essentially all about death? Maybe there’s hope for her yet.

Slylock Fox, 12/6/07

Man, you gotta feel bad for Count Weirdly. There are enough bizarre tchotchkes and strange animals in his lair to provide fodder for a scrambled word puzzle even if all he was doing was sitting around minding his own business and reading Famous Creeps. Instead, here comes Slylock and Max and some angry heron or something busting in to ruin his quiet evening with more wild accusations. Since there’s no mystery to solve, his crime is probably much more straightforward than usual — like, maybe he just exposed himself to her down at the park or something.

Garfield, 12/6/07

NEWSFLASH: COMICS CURMUDGEON CHUCKLES AT GARFIELD, QUESTIONS HIS WHOLE CONCEPT OF HOW THE UNIVERSE WORKS

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Apartment 3-G, 11/28/07

Hmm, perhaps I was too hasty yesterday when I dismissed out of hand the idea that there might be some tension between the A3G narration boxes and the actual narrative. How else to explain panel one, in which we are told that our fearsome foursome are “on the way to the tavern” when in fact they are very obviously standing around in Apartment 3-G’s blandly decorated living room and not going anywhere? The only way they could be less going to the tavern is if they were out on the street walking away from the tavern, though that would be harder to convey in the limited panel space here.

On the other hand, the sudden transition from blinding white to inky black in the second panel is evocative of some kind of movement. Maybe the Professor has whipped up some advanced transporter device, and we’re seeing them walk through a hole in space-time to emerge safely on the tavern’s front steps without having to encounter Manhattan street riff-raff. Or maybe there’s just an entrance to a Prohibition-era secret passageway behind the girls’ kitchen cabinets that connects to every gin joint in town.

Dennis the Menace, 11/28/07

I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen Dennis with a look of obvious panic on his face; I guess it’s also the first time I’ve seen him with his pants down. I’ll stop going further down this incredibly inappropriate road because I mainly wonder how this can be worked into the increasingly awesome The Luck of Dennis St. Michel, Viscount Stokington. If you ever doubted that the combination of Dennis the Menace and Regency pastiche would be completely hilarious, this blog should put your mind at rest.

Mary Worth, 11/28/07

Man, I thought Mary was cold-hearted over the past few days as she allowed him to believe that she had some gentleman caller over so that he’d run over and fight for her honor. Now she continues to thrust her hound at her erstwhile not-lover as the latter’s respiratory passages begin to seize up. The question now is: who will win this battle of wills for Mary’s heart? Chester’s cuter, but Jeff is probably marginally smarter.

In panel one, Mary is waving Chester’s little paw at Jeff to give some veneer of respectability to her blatant attempt to thrust the dog’s genitals in the good doctor’s face.

Luann, 11/28/07

I’d say that this is supposed to be some sort of commentary on how secular iconography is displacing the true religious significance of the Christmas holiday, but this is the same strip that had town tramp Tiffany playing the Virgin Mary in this pageant. Luann headquarters is lucky that it isn’t a smoldering, lightning-struck hole right now.

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Well, this week is Thanksgiving here in the United States, and one of the things I’m thankful for is taking a few days off of blogging. New comics return Monday! Those of you still checking the Interwebs may comment away here for the next four days (unmonitored by me, so play nice). Meanwhile, I thought I’d unleash the comment of the first half of this week:

“Did you hear about the entity that has qualities or characteristics?” –Skullturf Q. Beavispants offers the ultimate Herb and Jamaal setup

This, combined with Skullturf’s Pluggers triumph, makes November 21, 2007, officially “Skullturf Q. Beavispants day”! But there are runners-up to admire as well:

“I’d look up the exact title of the Curti-verse’s ‘Girls Gone Wild’ parody with the fudge-topping chapter or what-have-you, but doing research on the topic of Curtis would finally kill what little sense of pride I have.” –Flealick

“Do you actually think the Family Circus world-view could survive interaction with 21st-century Earth children? This explains why the ‘action’ in this strip generally involves the children standing around discussing something that confounds them (the location of their heart, ambiguous phrasing, shiny objects). The kids aren’t allowed to leave the home, and are forced to make up adorably-hilarious scenarios for the parents’ amusements. The ‘football tryouts’ were the final test; if Billy went outside, rolled in the mud, and came back to recite the dialogue he was assigned without running away (or crying), he was truly a Keane; and if he did flee the Keane Kompound, the dogs would make short work of him (and the marshmallow ass-padding would assure that the birds picked the carcass clean).” –Flealick

“Do beagles like the smell of vinegar and hate?” –gkl

“Monday I actually found B.C. amusing. Today I laughed at Cathy. Am I dying?” –Brick Bradford

“I’m guessing that Abbey is just the kind of swinger that wants to hear about all of her husband’s sexual exploits. Unfortunately, all Sam Driver will be able to say will be, ‘I just stood there.'” –FSogol

“Please remember that homoeroticism should be erotic. Rex and Niki, homoerotic? Yes. Herb and Jamaal? Not.” –sf_reader

“‘Thanks, Toby. I know it has to be done.’ Prediction: these will be Mary Worth’s last words as she is strapped into the electric chair, right before being sent to hell for all her crimes against humanity.” –Joe

“In today’s A3G, the Perfesser is waaay too happy at being cockblocked by Dick Smothers. ‘Taking my underage trophy-bitch to Hollywood? Why, we must celebrate! Have some of my special Vin du Arsenic ’93!'” –Buck Ripsnort

“Mary Worth? Love? No, no, no. Mary Worth is only using Chester to remind herself of how awesome she is. If Toby would permit Mary to lead her around by a leash and feed her from bowls in the ground, Mary would have run right over Chester in the road.” –The Grandstanding Oddball

Also! Today was actually a double day for Comics Curmudgeon reader-submitted triumph, as today’s TDIET was submitted by faithful reader MWGallaher!

Indeed, who among us hasn’t enjoyed day-old beans out of a can? I almost missed something here (right?) — specifically, this TDIET, so don’t forget to tell me in advance if you’re going to be Scaduto-ized!

Finally, to amuse you while I’m surreptitiously drinking gravy out of the boat, I offer you this amusing bit of Web comic commentary. Faithful reader Captain Thunder took a throwaway gag I did on Dennis the Menace a few months ago and transformed it into an inspired bit of pastiche. Enjoy, and happy Thanksgiving!