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Suburban Fairy Tales, 4/9/25

I made a fairly embarrassing error in my post about Suburban Fairy Tales a couple days ago, in which I implied that the second little pig built his house out of straw, when any idiot knows that that was the first little pig’s thing, and the second little pig built his out of wood, which is a more normal way to do it but apparently still leaves you vulnerable to wolves. Anyway, this has me really second-guessing myself when it comes to fairy tale lore; like, I don’t think there’s a beloved hippie sheep character named “Sir Lambelot” that we all learned about from bedtime stories growing up, but can I really be trusted about this sort of thing anymore?

Herb and Jamaal, 4/9/25

It’s true, Jamaal: when assessing the viability of a business plan, you need to take into account the price of production inputs! Not sure if that’s “funny” per se, but at least it’s educational.

Dennis the Menace, 4/9/25

So Dennis thinks that chairs, and maybe other pieces of furniture, are weird fucked-up-shaped animals, that we kill and then sit on? And most but not all of them are vertebrates? Pretty menacing. Ignorant, but also so unsettling as to be pretty darn menacing.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/5/25

Wow, I had always assumed that Hootin’ Holler was cut off from outside civilization to the extent that it’s blessedly not affected by unrealistic youth and beauty culture, but here I see that not only am I wrong but even the local chthonic witch is feeling insecure about herself. Fortunately, she’s invented a potion that can magically tailor clothes, and if she can refine it to be more easily controlled she’ll be able to afford all the more conventional beauty enhancement treatments she wants.

Dennis the Menace, 4/5/25

Usually it’s Dennis who interprets a normal turn of phrase in a way that’s wrong and kind of insulting, and I like his facial expression here in panel two, in which game seems to be recognizing game.

Crankshaft, 4/5/25

I’ve only started revisiting Crankshaft again in the past couple months but I’m sincerely glad to have gotten here in time to see Pam discover that her husband has been draining the family bank accounts to buy bootleg Huckleberry Hound DVDs. Do you think they’re going to divorce over this? I sure hope so!

Luann, 4/5/25

“Oh,” you’ve probably been thinking, “I guess Brad and Toni are doing a whole week at the amusement park, but at least it probably won’t end with them fucking in their car in the parking lot.” You fool. You idiot. You naive simpleton.

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Luann, 3/19/25

Looks like Luann’s 40th anniversary celebration is going to roll on all week, or maybe for the rest of the month, who even knows at this point, but today anyway real Luann heads are urged see the Luann 40th vid at LuannFan dot com, your source for Luann content on the World Wide Web. Do you want to watch some Luann vids? Huh? Do you want to watch Luann and some guy named “Phil” or whatever smooch chastely behind a clipboard while Tiffany watches them and cracks wise? Do you? Do you want to watch that? Are you a sick freak and that’s the sort of thing that gets you off? Well I guess you should go on over to LuannFan dot com, then, but don’t say you weren’t warned.

Andy Capp, 3/19/25

I of course rely on Andy Capp for all my up-to-the-minute information about British culture, so I’m intrigued to learn that that accursèd island’s most hardened criminals have given up on their former pursuits — knifecrime or ASBOs or what have you — and have instead embraced pub trivia fraud. Truly Charles III’s depraved dominion never rests when it comes to developing new forms of malice!

Dennis the Menace, 3/19/25

I genuinely love the absolutely blank expressions Dennis and Margaret are giving Mr. Wilson here. Sorry, George, that insult absolutely did not land, you should probably workshop it some more. Good thing you’ve got nothing but time on your hands!