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Luann, 3/31/25

So last week’s “Brad and Toni are trying to have a baby and it’s making their sex life miserable” riff ended with the two of them (on TJ’s suggestion) running off to go to an amusement park rather than depress themselves with yet another grim session of intercourse. I assumed this was putting a little bow on the plot and we were going to move onto something else this week, except, no, we’re apparently going to be treated (?) to the two of them at the amusement park. Anyway, it’s kind of comforting to be regularly reading this strip again after more than a decade and learn that it’s still doing its thing (its thing is coming up with extremely off-putting euphemisms for sex like “doing ‘maybe baby’”).

Dick Tracy, 3/31/25

Gotta admit I don’t fully get what the deal is in the non-nephew part of this Dick Tracy storyline, but our heroes have connected the mysterious corpse with someone named “Mr. Piltdown” and have roped his poor dentist into trying to positively ID him. That name is probably most famous from “Piltdown Man,” a hoax fossil that was supposed to be a “missing link” between humans and apes but was actually just a fake someone made by combining a human skull with an orangutan jaw and teeth, so I certainly hope this signals that something profoundly weird is about to be revealed by this post-mortem dental exam.

Gil Thorp, 3/31/25

Big news, everyone! Marty’s drinking binge has run its course and now he’s back at his AA meeting, along with a fellow alcoholic named “Clam.” Short for Clambake? A guy can dream!!!! (About a long sob story about how Clambake got caught lying about being in the Negro Leagues and it sent him into a downward spiral of alcohol abuse but then Marty Moon interrupts him by saying “Hey everybody, I’m Marty Moon, from the radio!” and they all applaud.)

Alice, 3/31/25

I know that a classic comics thing is having someone ask a weirdly specific question so that another person can answer it with a punchline, but Disconnection Syndrome is actually a fairly serious neurological disorder. Maybe you should find out why exactly your niece is asking about this rather than just cracking wise, Alice!

The Lockhorns, 3/31/25

So why are you going to someplace called “Coverage Provider Outlet,” guys? That sounds boring as shit!

Blondie, 3/31/25

“Ha ha, but enough about my depressing personal life and my dead marriage! I want to buy all your cupcakes and then throw them in the garbage so my husband can’t have them.”

Hagar the Horrible, 3/31/25

Hey man, did you know you can just put straight-up naked asses in the comics now? God is dead, do what you will, etc.

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Blondie, 3/8/25

Blondie’s longstanding addiction to obscure holiday themed strips and comics crossovers has achieved an uneasy peace today with its searing hatred of internationalism. Sure, this is a diverse group of women, from America, Australia, Themyscira, Viking-era Norway, the … land of fairy tales where some women are birds? … and so forth, but at least we’re not giving into the U.N. one-world government types and calling it “International Women’s Day”! It’s simply “Women’s Day,” like it was originally when the holiday was first celebrated right here in the USA by [checks notes] the Socialist Party of America oh no oh no oh no

Dick Tracy, 3/8/25

Wait, you’re telling me that the guy with the incompetent nephews … is himself an incompetent nephew? How many layers of nephews are we going to go through in this story??? It’s just like the old saying goes: truly the uncle ….. has become the nephew now.

Archie, 3/8/25

I genuinely enjoy the look on Hot Dog’s face in the third panel here. “Why are you involving me in your web of complex human lies and betrayals? I’m a dog! I truly dislike it!”

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Dick Tracy, 3/5/25

“You telling me this guy died poor or alone, or maybe under strange circumstances so his family doesn’t know he’s dead and can’t claim him? Sounds like a real piece of human garbage to me. Shame he’s dead so I can’t kill him. I take consolation in the fact that I can still shoot him.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/5/25

I kind of like the fact that the older bird-ladies of Mother Goose and Grimm have tenuous boyfriends rather than being honestly married. Sure, they’re playing the field, but they’re not going to get tied down to a guy if he sucks. And these guys suck, is the joke in like every single strip about them.

Archie, 3/5/25

Check out how genuinely stricken Mr. Weatherbee looks in the third panel here. He really could’ve died! Ms. Beazley’s food is extremely dangerous!