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Archive: Dick Tracy

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You think those lasers can’t simply be danced through? You sweet summer child

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Dick Tracy, 10/18/23

Oh no! Why would you build a huge wing on the back of your mansion that has an entirely glass ceiling? Why, you’re just asking for someone to break through it and steal all your rare books in a daring heist! I swear, people don’t do any basic defensibility research before engaging in massive building projects anymore.

Beetle Bailey, 10/18/23

What with all the changes in social mores and tolerance over the past 30 to 50 years or so, you, the typical Beetle Bailey reader, are probably concerned: is it possible that Otto, the famous army dog, is a homosexual? Well, worry no more! He’s as straight as they come, and is attracted to human women, which is, uh, fine? We’ll say it’s fine.

Shoe, 10/18/23

The Perfesser is all gakked out on uppers and is now begging his connection for a little something to mellow him out. Seems a little edgy for a talking bird comic but what do I know!

Dennis the Menace, 10/18/23

“But she’s really worked hard to improve for this performance, and you can tell the audience is responding to it! I’m proud of her!”

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Gonna be hard to repurpose that thing if they hire a turtle detective or whatever

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Dick Tracy, 10/16/23

Dick Tracy loves gadgets, of course, but I assume he’s bored and vaguely disgusted with fancy “forensics,” because they allows detectives to learn information about criminals with zero investigatory violence to speak of. But his face in panel three looks truly deranged, like a lot of horrible things are falling into place for him. “Fluids, eh? You’re telling me this fancy detecting machine needs bodily fluids from suspects in order to work? I bet I know how I can get some.”

Slylock Fox, 10/16/23

Today, as Cassandra attempts to liberate a plundered piece of cultural heritage and return it to the few remaining Egyptian humans left after the animalpocalypse, I find myself contemplating Slylock’s customized “Fox-Flyer” helicopter. Is it truly “his,” as the caption refers to it, meaning that he’s a private contractor who owns his own equipment, insisting on high fees from the Forest Kingdom’s treasury in order to provide the law enforcement capacity that the state lacks? Or is he a public servant with enough clout that he demands the government pay for a series of whimsically fox-themed devices that enhance his personal brand? Either way, it seems he has more in common with his supposed enemy Count Weirdly than he would care to admit.

Hi and Lois, 10/16/23

This is great. The whole Flagston family is angry and sad! That’s the joke!

The Lockhorns, 10/16/23

You guys, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you: THE LOCKHORNS ARE MILLENNIALS

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Maybe she likes chaos, Keith, you ever think about that

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Mary Worth, 10/13/23

Look, I know Sonia here is supposed to be an angry neo-hippie and is riffing on the fact that she’s arguing with her father, or “daddy,” whom she met approximately seven minutes ago, but I’m sorry: she is a zoomer, she was born in the year 2003, she has never heard anyone else say “Daddy-O” in earnest and definitely would never say it herself. Please respect the integrity of your characters, Mary Worth.

Pluggers, 10/13/23

Based on this plugger’s dazed expression as he stares down on his feet, I’m pretty sure he’s completely forgotten why he’s outside, and only seeing this particular pair of crocks clues him in to what his afternoon plans are. It’s sad, really.

Dick Tracy, 10/13/23

“Don’t want this to be a cold case. That’s what I’m calling anything we can’t figure out. Sounds better than ‘failure.’ Current location of my keys? Cold case. My wife’s birthday? You’d better believe that’s a cold case.”

Gasoline Alley, 10/13/23

“Husband? What? I thought there was something special going on between us! Have I been misreading all these signs? Are we not going to raise this child together?”