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Dennis the Menace, 4/24/11

Let’s start Easter with a little bit of theology! In the throwaway panels, Dennis appears to flirt with a rejection of the idea that a human institution is necessary to mediate between humanity and God. Nevertheless, upon actually going to church, he proceeds to taunt Mr. Wilson over the latter’s spotty attendance over the year. Mr. Wilson fumes nastily over the wrath that Dennis will encounter on the Day of Judgment. The conundrum thus proposed seems to be: Whom would God favor? One who, like Dennis, offers worship to the Lord in the approved fashion, only to go home and wreak all kinds of devilish mischief; or one who perhaps does not take communion that often, but who at least upholds the divine commandments, if only because of his sullen refusal to leave his house or do much of anything else? Mr. Wilson can take comfort in I Samuel 15:22: “And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice.” Since the obedience under discussion here was a divine order to exterminate the tribe of the Amalkites, this should dovetail nicely with that killing spree one assumes the tightly wound Mr. Wilson has planned.

Gasoline Alley, 4/24/11

Speaking of theology, our minister here should perhaps spend more time working on his metaphors, as I don’t think it’s really a good idea to compare God to the collapsing airline industry, which has cut back on the little perks of flying, charging nickel-and-dime fees while cramming ever more passengers into aging aircraft; the monopolistic utility corporations, which belch pollution into the air while jacking up electricity rates; or to prescription medication, often rushed to market by profit-driven megacorporations with deadly results. I guess people like greeting cards and scotch tape alright, though, right? I mean, not enough to worship them or anything, but still.

Dick Tracy, 4/24/11

If you were somehow worried that the new author-artist team behind Dick Tracy would downgrade our daily dose of violence of horror, I think you can rest easy now. Baddies vaporizing cops while declaring that they love “roast pig” isn’t even the most unsettling thing on display today; that honor of course goes to the terrified medical personnel fleeing whatever nightmarish creature longtime Dick Tracy fixture B.O. Plenty (reading Spittoon Quarterly, God bless him) has sired on his poor wife.

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Dick Tracy, 4/5/11

Fans of the last few years of Dick Tracy have one important question now that the strip is under new artistic management: will each storyline end with the villain being killed in a unnecessarily gruesome fashion? We’re still at the very beginning of this story, so we can’t say for sure, but surely it’s a good sign that “Pouch” here got his name by having some kind of “pouch” lurking in the his repulsively slack neck-flesh. It has a snap, this skin-pouch! So delightfully gross!

Apartment 3-G, 4/5/11

Margo starts this strip with such a great quip that it’s sad how quickly she devolves into the state in which we find her in panel two. A quizzical, confused facial expression, an ill-fitting yellow sweatshirt (does she think it shows off her bosom to her advantage? because it does not), and a lurching attempt to escape from a sudden foliage attack — not her best moment. Still, “that bushy-haired, bearded guy who’s always winning Grammys,” ha!

Mary Worth, 4/5/11

Have you ever wanted to see two medical professionals psych themselves up to a sordid quickie in a hospital linen closet by quoting No Fear marketing copy to one another? Then today’s Mary Worth is for you, my friend.

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Judge Parker, 3/27/11

Ha ha, Sophie is absolutely justified in being so angry! In her attempt to throw off the shackles of nerdom, she put an awful lot of effort into seizing a spot on the cheerleading squad, a goal she achieved by a combination of grass-roots mobilization and awesome, albeit off-panel, physical prowess. Only now she discovers that dork stuff like debate club was the key to popularity all along! I have to say that my four years of high school debate did not win me the affections of anyone with a hilariously WASP-tastic name, but maybe that’s just because I wasn’t ludicrously wealthy. In fact, that’s probably the real source of Sophie’s rage here. Sure, the Spencer-Driver clan is the wealthiest in the state, but what’s the point if you don’t engage in vulgar displays of affluence that improve your social standing? Sophie won’t be satisfied until Abbey allows her to top Honey Ballenger’s dramatic entrance; look for her to arrive at school on Monday carried aloft on a litter, surrounded by dozens of family retainers on horseback.

Family Circus, 3/27/11

I’m not sure which is sadder: that the Keane kids are so excited by the idea of driving around their dreary suburb with a vague acquaintance that they’re willing to bend the truth to get permission to do it, or that the lone Keith child looks positively ecstatic at the prospect of sharing the car with the three noxious melonheads. How grim her life must be!

Panel from Dick Tracy, 3/27/11

Wow, kudos to the new Dick Tracy team for bringing the Crimestoppers Textbook up to date with modern skullduggery! I’m not sure how many regular Dick Tracy devotees also own extensive collections of vacant rural real estate, but still, I’m impressed and I learned something. (Matchbox scratch panels? Who knew?)

Panel from Mark Trail, 3/27/11

I love Mark and Doc’s smug smirks in the background as a terrified, bug-eyed Cherry works herself up for battle against the spider menace. “Gee, Doc, should we tell her that she’s trying to kill one of mankind’s allies?” “No, Mark, we’ll explain it after she wipes out all the spiders and then the cabin is overrun by the vermin the spiders would have eaten! It’s the only way she’ll learn!”

Panel from Gasoline Alley, 3/27/11

Slim finds the concept of physical intimacy with his wife distasteful, but he dreams of a future as a high-priced prostitute.