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Hi and Lois, 8/27/23

All the Walker-Browne golf strips are sad, of course, because they’re about golf when they could be about literally anything else. But this one is particularly sad, I think we can all agree. Look at the huge smile on Thirsty’s face in that last panel! There’s nothing he loves more than spending the day out on the links with his best friend, then relaxing with him together and discussing the game. Hi, meanwhile, is starting to outright panic that Thirsty simply will not go away so he can spend some time with his wife, who (unlike Thirsty) he actually likes.

Dick Tracy, 8/27/23

Look, I know that I complain a lot that Dick Tracy’s glory days of theatrical ultraviolence are sadly far behind it, so I must admit the current Minit Mystery, which apparently involves professional baseball players bludgeoning each other to death in the locker room due to poor on-field performance, is pretty ultraviolent, actually.

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Dick Tracy, 8/23/23

Hey! Remember, Sprocket Nitrate, the ancillary Dick Tracy character whose whole deal is she goes around barefoot all the time? Well, we’ve heard that some of you foot sickos are getting a little too turned on by this, so for this plotline we’re having her walk through a dirty old abandoned train tunnel, which you shouldn’t find arousing at all, but rather unpleasant and distressing! [An aide whispers some information about the sort of thing foot sickos are into in my ear] What? Oh NO

Blondie, 8/23/23

Ha ha, you guys heard about the “texting” these kids do today? You heard about these fancy new “cell phones”? Oh, you have? You say that 90 percent of Americans had cell phones 10 years ago? But if that’s true, why would a comic strip in the year of our lord 2023 be doing a joke like this? Huh, how do you explain that, smart guy?

Marvin, 8/23/23

I’m not sure if I personally have done something to offend an ancient spirit or powerful magic user, or if rather a curse attached itself my bloodline in generations past, but I have made peace with the fact that I am fated to inform you, my hapless readers, every time the newspaper comic strip Marvin does a joke where the whole thing is “Check it out! Piss and/or shit!” Anyway, here’s today’s Marvin.

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Dick Tracy, 8/21/23

Hey, remember that Dick Tracy storyline that I wasn’t really bothering to try to follow in any detail? Well, it’s ended (?) with the main (??) villain falling into a big pile of pigeon shit. Say what you will about being eaten alive by rats while you’re wearing a gimp suit, but it has a certain dignity to it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/21/23

Galoot? Ruckus? Holler? The roots country bullshit in this strip is reach intolerable levels. Someone needs to call the CDC to quarantine the whole thing until we can figure out what’s going on.

Slylock Fox, 8/21/23

Of course Slylock knows! He’s been standing here watching the whole thing! You’re not making him do any stupid math and it’s not fair.

Mary Worth, 8/21/23

Well, the dognapper ordeal was resolved with the victims restored to physical and psychological health, and then Mary and Ed wrapped up their depressing date, so that means we’re finally ready to move onto a new storyline — oh, wait, what’s that? It’s time for Saul and Eve and their dogs to visit a “dog beach”? That’s, uh, great! I’m happy about this! I love dogs, and dog-related Mary Worth storylines! Please don’t tell anyone I don’t like dogs! [Tomorrow’s banner headline: AREA DOG-HATING BLOGGER CANCELED]