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Gil Thorp, 10/21/22

Look, we all know that there’s supposed to be an apostrophe in “Yonkers,” and the joke is that Madame Yonker’s fever is up, meaning she’s sick, but wouldn’t it be funnier if that weren’t the case? “What’s up is Madame Yonkers Fever, the latest craze where we all take turns pretending to be ‘Madame Yonkers,’ a French teacher that we made up! C’mon, Gil, join in on the fun! It’s been in Time and Newsweek, and, I assume, on TikTok.”

Dick Tracy, 10/21/22

So Steelface is the guy whose nephew is doing Vitamin’s comics play, and his particular criminal gimmick is that he’s running some kind of auto theft ring, and, unrelated, has a metal face. Today’s strip is particularly evocative: despite working in the shadowy underworld, Steelface still speaks the language of modern capitalism, in which the vehicles at the heart of his operation are reduced to mere “units” that must be “processed,” and processed more efficiently to boot. Goodwin tries to play along, but he still sees each stolen car as a unique individual and dares to share his truth with his boss and let him know what makes each of them special.

Mary Worth, 10/21/22

Sure, dating a younger man seems cool: the sex is great, and they’re more likely to have made millions from their app startup than someone your age. But there are downsides: they’re much more prone to dying in an Instagram-related accident before your very eyes. Beware!

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Judge Parker, 10/6/22

Oh, were you excited about Sam’s old partner Steve making a triumphant return to the strip? Well, too bad, it’s been less than three weeks since he showed up and he’s already been brutally murdered by the crooked cops or the meth gangs or the crooked cops and the meth gangs working together, who can say. At least this means that Gloria, who was a very longtime beloved character in the strip until she quit her job as Sam’s secretary to skip town with Steve, might need to come crawling back to Sam for a job now that she’s tragically widowed! She’ll probably spend all her time being dramatically sad, which fits in with the current vibe of the strip, and also with the fact that Sam won’t be able to pay her very much.

Dick Tracy, 10/6/22

If you needed a single strip to explain current vibe of modern-day Dick Tracy, you can do worse than this one, in which a typical Tracy-style mutant gangster gets enlisted in a scheme to help his nephew land a part in a stage play about old-timey comic strips.

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Mary Worth, 10/3/22

Ahh, after a little stalling, it’s a new Mary Worth plot, and it looks like we’re finally going to see the magic that makes the unstoppable Iris-Zak love story work. So far we have “Iris hangs on Zak’s every word and lavishes him with attention to try to make him happy” and “Zak has whole conversation with Iris that he just forgets, probably because it’s more efficient to use that brain space for coming up with new apps.” Sounds promising!

Dennis the Menace, 10/3/22

Dennis’s blank, uncomprehending look, combined with Alice’s sly smile, has completely upended the meaning of Dennis the Menace for me: it’s actually a Munchausen syndrome by proxy situation, but for menacing. Who do you think is carefully feeding Dennis all those rude things he “accidentally” blurts out in front of the party guests? Truly chilling stuff.

Dick Tracy, 10/3/22

This lady at the bar is all of us. She just wants to see something unbelievable, or at least interesting, but instead she gets caught up in an internecine feud between mutant criminal lowlife types. This is why more and more people are abandoning the bar scene for dating apps!

Slylock Fox, 10/3/22

We’ve seen this mystery before, but the text has gotten a substantial upgrade: instead of pretending to eat boring old beef broth, Count Weirdly is eating a piping hot bowl of cream of mushroom soup, which I think we can all agree is much funnier. I’m tempted to go commit some crimes just so I can say to the cops “But officers! I couldn’t possibly have done any of that, because I’ve been here all this time, eating this bowl of delicious cream of mushroom soup!” I would probably end up spending years in prison, but it would be worth it.

Gil Thorp, 10/3/22

Wait, I’m sorry, Coach Kaz’s dojo is a penthouse apartment? We always knew that high school sports were the backbone of Milford’s self-image, but I don’t think we quite understood how well even the assistant coaches were paid. Anyway, Keri, watch out for that bowl of green stuff, it’s mostly pork.