Archive: Dick Tracy

Post Content

Rhymes With Orange, 7/11/25

No, see, GoFundMe is the website you use for crowdfunding when you have an unexpected and dire financial emergency of some sort, as is the case here. Kickstarter is the website you use when you’re crowdfunding and you plan to produce something with the money you collect. Since this woman has already eaten and/or drunk whatever was in the minibar, the only possibilities are pretty dire.

Slylock Fox, 7/11/25

Wow, Max Mouse is really excited to finally be the subject of the “How To Draw” feature, huh? “Draw me, children!” he seems to be saying. “Draw me! Make thousands, nay, millions of Max Mouses, one for every home in the land! A Max army! Each Max may be small, but our numbers will overwhelm our enemies!”

Dick Tracy, 7/11/25

God damn it, Dick, that should be “If they got through the time portal, who knows when they ended up.” This is why we don’t give you more time travel stories!

Post Content

Luann, 7/5/25

Many dads enjoy drinking coffee out of mugs that declare them to be the “World’s Best Dad” or “#1 Dad” or the like, generally purchased for them by their children. Not Frank Degroot, though. The mug he’s holding as he hands out extremely noncommittal advice merely acknowledges the bare fact that he is in fact a father. How does he rank compared to others in similar roles? Well, that’s not for him or his mug to say.

Dick Tracy, 7/5/25

I guess I never really explained the plot of this current Dick Tracy art theft storyline in any detail, huh? Well, it’s wrapping up now, and it turns out the solution to the mystery was “time travel, somehow”. I don’t really feel like getting further into it but I do want to suggest that you use the phrase “Hypocrite! Without this ‘time portal’ you’re nothing!” in your everyday life, because it’s pretty great.

Pluggers, 7/5/25

You’re a plugger if you determine wash day by sense of smell … which you can do very easily, because your sense of smell is very keen, because you’re a dog! You’re a damn dog! Nobody wants to say it out loud, but I’m brave enough to tell the truth about what we’re all looking at! That’s a dog smelling that shirt!

Post Content

Slylock Fox, 6/12/25

Years ago, I read a book about the Velvet Revolution in Czechoslovakia, and one of my strongest memories of it is that after the Communist dictatorship had been overthrown, even in their euphoria the leaders of the broad alliance that had pulled off this transformation — which included conservatives and liberals, free marketeers and social democrats, unionists and Czech and Slovak nationalists — began to realize that they would soon be political opponents, but allowed themselves to enjoy the moment of victory together before that turn came. The story of Slylock Fox is in many ways the story of how the animals came into conflict with one another after overthrowing humanity, and how they learned to manage that conflict. But sometimes you get a glimpse into the origins of their society, like the little story captured here. These guys are free, they magically know how to operate a motor vehicle, and they’ve just violently killed and eaten all the zookeepers who’ve been holding them captive their entire lives. They have a world to build, and that’s important, but in some ways it will never get better than it is on this night.

Dick Tracy, 6/12/25

Sam, not to tell you how to do your job, which I assume is disparaging suspects without much evidence, but if the way you want to disparage this suspect is by calling him a drunk, you should be making a little “drinky” gesture in front of your mouth, with your thumb and pinky extended to make it look like your hand is a bottle of liquor. What you’re doing is a “crazy” gesture, which is not the same thing at all!

Gearhead Gertie, 6/12/25

Sorry, Harold, you know I am usually sympathetic to your plight, but how could you possibly be asking this right now. Your wife is named “Gearhead Gertie!” You’ve been married to her for a decade! You know this is the only sport you’re allowed to watch. You know that very well.