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Funky Winkerbean, 3/23/21

Real Funkyheads, which include both non-ironic fans of Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft and those of us who feel compelled to read both strips every day, possibly due to a curse placed on one of our ancestors who offended a cave-witch, know that there is one iron law of Funkyverse time, which is that Crankshaft takes place ten years in Funky Winkerbean’s past. It wasn’t always like that, of course, but after Lisa died Funky Winkerbean jumped ahead ten years to allow Les time to come to terms with that, emotionally (lol), whereas Crankshaft didn’t. This time disjunction (disFunktion?) has been exploited for narrative effect multiple times, the most recent being just last summer, when a Crankshaft-era character mused that he’d love to visit the setting of his favorite silent movie, and then simultaneously (but ten years later) did just that over in Funky Winkerbean. (Naturally, achieving this longtime dream almost resulted in his death.)

But wait! Remember a few weeks ago, in Crankshaft, when the organist died and Lillian resisted taking over as her replacement? Well, they put an ad in the classifieds for a new organist, and since virtually nobody reads the classifieds anymore, the only person who answered was … Harry Dinkle! Over in Funky Winkerbean! Which is … not ten years in the future anymore, I guess? Even thought Crankshaft is as full as vim and vigor as ever over in Crankshaft (if occasionally glued to the furniture) but is a wizened husk in Funky Winkerbean? Anyway, they’ve been building this Dinkle crossover up for like a week now and every day I’ve been forced to contemplate the question of whether I care about this flagrant casting aside of established Funkyverse chronology, and I’ve finally decided that I do! I do and I feel compelled to blog about it! This too is no doubt part of that sinister crone’s ancient curse, under which my whole family line has suffered for so many generations.

Dick Tracy, 3/23/22

Speaking of convoluted comics plots, I’ve never quite gotten a handle on what Pouch’s whole deal has been over the course of this current storyline. He’s thought-ballooning a recap for us to kick off the week, and I still don’t understand it, but I do appreciate the effort.

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Dick Tracy, 3/22/21

OK, just going to admit that I do not get what Dick means by “not without 5G” in panel three. I’m assuming he means the wireless telecommunications technology and this isn’t some piece of cop/gangster/Dick Tracy-specific slang, but, even so: I don’t get it. I guess he could be making a little joke, like “With all the new 5G phones and great wireless plans they have out now, it’s never been easier to reach out to a loved one or drop a dime on your underworld associates.” But maybe it’s more “We’re not going to get him to talk unless we turn up the 5G mind control rays, and those libs at the CDC say we’re not allowed to do that anymore now that we know they cause COVID.”

Gil Thorp, 3/22/21

Oh, man, I haven’t been updating you on the Gil Thorp plot, have I? Well, good news: the Mudlark girls’ basketball team made the playdowns! [five minutes later] We regret to inform you that the girls’ basketball team’s magical playdown run is over.

Gasoline Alley and Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/22/21

God damn it, we went through all the trouble of setting up the shared “What hoary old joke are you going to use in your syndicated newspaper comic strip today?” Google calendar, but it doesn’t work unless everyone updates it!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/9/21

Aw, man, I guess when Sarah said she was thinking of ensuring that her father stopped being a doctor, she just meant she was going to use the power of her imagination to pull that off, which: snoooooze. I guess it could be mildly interesting to see Rex be sullen and dickish in a time and place where you’re much more likely to get shot for having a bad attitude, but honestly I’m worried this Old West sojourn is going to be find itself focusing on Buckley, husband to the local shopkeep and friend to all the “roots” cowboy musicians passing through town.

Dick Tracy, 3/9/21

Dick Tracy is a comic that features a rotating cast of freakishly malformed villains and a main character whose granddaughter is literally half moon alien, but by far the most unrealistic thing that’s ever happened in it is a cop having a legit reason to enter a house without a warrant and being disappointed to find a bunch of drug paraphernalia.

Gasoline Alley, 3/9/21

Gasoline Alley is the only strip with the nerve to have a main character turn to the audience and say “It sure looks like those two guest characters are about to have an interesting storyline, doesn’t it? Well, we won’t be paying attention to them anymore.”